Simply Blissful

I'm a dot com!

2010-04-24T19:05:00.002-08:00

I've moved! Please check me out at http://www.mamacreates.com/!

Giuliana & Bill

2009-09-08T19:24:00.009-08:00

So I'm watching Giuliana & Bill and don't even get me started on what's wrong with that sentence. I know. But I'm watching Bill spend the evening with his nieces making friendship bracelets, the kind made from embroidery floss? Then they go around to a couple stores & sell them for, get this, $5 each! Really? That's some profit margin, and I know this for fact because I've just started embroidering and embroidery floss is like, 37 cents each. Anyway, the store starts with a "small collection" and pays the girls $100. I'm thinking, how sweet. The store manager is supporting the girls, even though their asking price is a oh, a tad high.

During the little interview sessions Giuliana & Bill did together, Bill said he "might have made a few calls before going to the stores". And I'm just not sure what to think of that. Again, I'm completely horrified that I'm A. watching Giuliana & Bill and that 2. I'M PUTTING THIS MUCH THOUGHT INTO GIULIANA & BILL.

My point is, what is teaching the kids really? They seemed like perfectly nice young girls, and they seemed genuinely surprised that they received $100 for their wares, but it was hardly realistic.

I'm just saying.

I can only take so much

2009-08-29T20:08:00.008-08:00

Ellis just. stopped. crying. After far too long. She normally goes to bed without too much fuss. I've been weaning her from her before-bed feeding, and she still hasn't screamed & cried to this extent. She called for me....mama, mama, mama...over and over again. I couldn't take it. It was breaking my heart. The anxiety continued to swell until the tears blurred my eyes. I wanted to sit & have a good long cry but for some reason, my body wouldn't comply.

Right now I don't want to talk. I don't want to listen. I don't want to think. Can't I just sit and watch Flight Plan? Except that A., now my husband is pissed because I just told him I didn't have it in me to conversate right now (doesn't stop him from trying), and B. watching movies where children are missing/harmed/killed causes me anxiety in ways that I never experienced before motherhood.

My former boss and I once shared a hotel room in Vegas while there for training, and after spending the first few nights at the casinos, we opted on the last night to stay in with pay-per-view. Get your minds out of the gutter, we watched Minority Report. A few minutes into the movie, my boss says, Oh, I just remembered I didn't like this movie because of what happens to his son. At the time I thought it was so strange that a movie could affect her so deeply. Little did I know, right?

My mom sent me a link to a video of some company in Arizona that teaches babies how to roll themselves over and float on their backs if they should fall into a swimming pool. I watched the video clip of a toddler, probably just about Ellis' age, walk to a swimming pool, fall in, roll himself onto his back and float there, waiting for someone to rescue him. I was having a hard enough time watching the clip until I was insane enough to turn the volume on. I listened to this poor child babbling away (not even crying, really), and my anxiety reached such levels that I had to stop the video halfway through. I knew the baby was going to be fine and I couldn't take it. Not only could I not take it, but I promptly e-mailed my mother & asked her to please, never, ever, not ever, send me anything like that again. I worry puh-lenty about something horrific happening to Ellis that I don't need to worry about babies I don't even know.

So, just in case it wasn't clear before, I have emotions. Lots of emotions. They live really close to the surface all the time and can come out of nowhere, often causing me to do or say things that I later regret. Lately it seems that my capacity for handling these emotions, good or bad, is diminishing. (One of) my mechanisms to deal with that, is to simply shut down. Retreat. Withdraw from the world in general, except that which is absolutely necessary to function.

When Ellis was first born and in the months after, I was fueled by a need to be a better person; to be the best person I could be for my daughter. I wanted her to be proud of her mother. I had dreams. Dreams that in true Tracy fashion, never made it past the early excitement phase. Now I feel like I have lost that drive. I feel.....blah. I have found myself squarely in the middle of a depression-cycle that, if I were to be completely honest with myself, has been going on for months. I know it is partially due to external factors that are out of my control to change, making me feel like I'm in a rather hopeless situation.

It's difficult to verbalize this, but lately, I have found myself thinking...how did I get here? Is this really my life? Please don't take this to mean that I don't love my daughter or husband. I know that in my heart I am not disatisfied with my life but when one is in the midst of depression, it's hard to see things objectively.

Instead of being able to see all the wonderful things, I see (on the days that I'm home with Ellis): wake up, change a diaper, put Ellis back in her crib with toys to keep her occupied, take a shower, take Adam to work, stop for a non-fat mocha on the way home (my Monday & Friday treat), come home, put on PBS Kids, keep Ellis from pushing all the buttons on the tv, watch as she trashes the living room in under two minutes, make breakfast, watch helplessly as she throws half of her food on the floor, listen to Porter whine outside because I won't let him inside while Ellis is eating because she tries to feed him, wipe Ellis' hands & face, let Porter in, let him eat Ellis' leftovers, chase Ellis around the house to send her into fits of giggles, change a diaper, Swiffer the dog hair, playtime, naptime, pick up Ellis' toys (why do I bother with this?), crafttime for mama, kiss Ellis after her nap, change another diaper, lunchtime, change a diaper, pick up toys, errands if my mood allows me to leave the house (don't forget to pack snacks & sippy cup of water!), (don't forget to take off slippers and put on shoes!), come home, change a diaper, chase Ellis through the house to encite giggles, keep Porter from "protecting" Ellis from my tickling, will Ellis have an afternoon nap today?, pick up toys, pick up Adam from work, come home, hope that Adam is understanding that I don't have anything left in me to give to him, fix Ellis dinner, change a diaper, playtime, change a diaper & put on jammies (jammies on Ellis; I am most likely already in jammy-bottoms by this point), brush her teeth, look at books, wonder if I'll have the energy to do all the things I had planned to do after Ellis was in bed, have Ellis kiss dada night-night, put her to bed, hope that she goes down easily, wonder if I'll have the energy to do it all over again tomorrow.

Again, PLEASE don't take this to mean that I don't love my daughter. I LOVE MY DAUGHTER WITH MY ENTIRE BEING & WOULD BE LOST WITHOUT HER. I love taking care of her, I love being with her, I miss her like mad when I'm at work. That's the sucky thing about depression: feeling such intense & contradictory feelings simultaneously. How can I love Ellis so freaking much & still feel so disatisfied with my life?

Sure, I have hobbies & they help keep me occupied. I clean. I organize. I try to create order to calm the chaos in my head.

But I think the bigger picture is that Ellis is my constant reminder that time is passing. Every day that goes by is one day closer to her leaving me & that's just too sad to think about. One week ago today, I started Ellis' final weaning . We were down to 2 feedings a day; before bed & when she woke up oh so early in the morning, so mama could get another hour of sleep. Once I've eliminated that early-morning feeding, that will officially mark the end of my pregnant body and that has hit me hard.

Ladies, how did you cope with weaning your little ones and moving onto the next chapter?

34

2009-08-17T12:11:00.013-08:00

Today is my birthday. My 34th birthday. And this is a photo of me, taken with my new iphone (paid for via birthday money proceeds). I can't install Adobe Flash, so I couldn't upload directly to Flickr, but at any rate, here I am.

I am waiting for Ellis to wake up from her nap, and in the time she's been asleep, I have spent (wasted) a ridiculous amout of time trying to install Adobe Flash, I Swiffered the entire house (don't get too excited; it's a small house), including pulling out the fridge to get the rat's-nest of Porter-hair that had been mocking me for weeks, unloaded the dishwasher, tidied the living room, and scrubbed the shower/bathtub. I'm even giving Ellis rights to the first bath in the clean tub, but only because she has food in her hair & I do have some standards when it comes to my child's grooming.

I have a short-list of errands to run today, time allowing, and then I have Action Appliance Repair coming sometime between 2 and 4 to look at our washer & dryer. Talk about an afternoon killer.

Boy do I know how to have a good time.

But, after Adam gets home from work, we're having dinner at my mom & step-dad's house for my FAVORITE dinner: grilled pizzas. The first time my brother said he was making pizzas on the bbq, I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. Pizzas? On the grill? Really? In my head, it was a "bbq pizza", with bbq sauce.

And it was not bbq pizza, but only the BEST PIZZA IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. I'm sure the homemade dough, made by my sister-in-law Michelle, has much to do with it. We generally make several small-to-medium pizzas, but my favorite is a mediterranean, with feta, greek olives & things of that nature.

It has been a quiet day, but rainy & windy. The first of our fall weather is upon us, and I can't say as I'm all that happy to see leaves on the ground already. When the weather starts to turn like this, I usuallylook forward to fall. But this year I'm still clinging to summer. I could sit & wonder what's different this year, but the answer is sleeping blissfully 2 rooms away.

I don't want to admit that she's nearly 16 months old, which means she's nearly 18 months old, and that just means she's on her way to being a teenager. And I'm not ready for that. I want her to stay innocent and pure, imaginative, silly, my sweet little girl.

this one's for Jaye

2009-08-11T22:30:00.000-08:00

While on vacation in Spokane a couple weeks ago, I was laying in my mother in law's bed (they were gracious enough to give up their bedroom for us) nursing Ellis before bedtime. My niece Katelyn (age 3) decided she wanted to go to bed as well so I let her snuggle in beside us thinking, how cute is this? But because it was quite early compared to Katelyn's normal bedtime, I figured she would change her mind about all this going to bed nonsense in about 28 seconds.

As you can imagine, a 3 year old isn't terribly quiet when she's not really ready for bed so I kept trying to quiet her while trying to keep Ellis on the task at hand. As you can also imagine, Ellis' schedule, limited though it may be, had already been completey obliterated on day 1 of our vacation so I'm thinking this was a losing proposition all the way around but really, how cute is this?

I was nursing Ellis, and Katelyn was asking questions, and I was saying shhhhh, we need to be quiet. I'm trying to put Belles to bed.

I continued to nurse, and Katelyn continued to ask questions, and I said, shhhhh, we need to be quiet. I'm trying to feed Belles so she can go night-night.

Katelyn asks me, she's eating? And I say, uh-huh, shhhhhh.

And this is the point where she sat upright, peered over my side, and said IS SHE EATING YOU?

Oh, man, how to you keep your composure after that? That was, easily, one of the funniest moments I've ever had in my entire 33 years, 359 days of life. And to know that that was just the tip of the iceberg in terms of funny shit to come is one reason I became a parent. The other is when she sits on the couch calling out hi! hi! to me, like she is right now. Okay, there's about a thousand other reasons, but that's a story for another day.

The rest is a bit fuzzy, but I believe I answered her with something to the effect of, ummm, well, sort of, you see, there's milk and......

Katelyn lost interest in both me & bedtime shortly thereafter, and scooted off to find one of the many other family members who were still awake and/or not dispensing milk through their boobies.

And after Ellis fell asleep, I had the pleasant task of explaining to Katelyn's mom why she may come asking if she had milk, too.

sew crazy!

2009-07-22T11:57:00.025-08:00

This week, my crafting endeavors have been Ellis-centric. In part, it was need based, in part because I love to sew (when my machine is not jamming, which I discovered is mostly due to lame thread) and in part because I’m just plane nuts. The “nuts” part refers to the fact that I decided I "needed" to make a mini-quilt for Ellis to take on vacation with us next week. As in, we leave on Saturday. As in, I haven’t even started my to-do-before-we-leave-list nor my multiple need-to-pack-lists. Oh, and I've never made a quilt before.

But because we didn't have a scorching hot week like the week before, it was a good excuse to spend lots of time indoors playing...and when it wasn't raining, a little time outdoors, too. Honey took this picture of Belles and I at the Mendenhall Glacier this past Sunday.

This bib was crazy-cheap to make (gotta love the little projects!) and something I could actually start & finish in one sitting provided Ellis is napping. The pattern is modified from Amy Carol’s Bend the Rules Sewing, and if you’re familiar with Manda at Tree Fall, it should be pretty obvious where I get much of my inspiration from. And where does one draw the line for inspiration versus just plain stealing? My sincere apologies to Manda if I have overstepped.

I was so pumped for having FINISHED a project ~ two even! ~ and from having just finished sorting & organizing my fabrics that I couldn’t stop there. My mind started formulating color & fabric combinations & as soon as Ellis woke up from her morning nap, we were off to Joann’s. I picked up a set of square quilting templates, a rotary cutter, and hello? Why have I never purchased one before? That little baby made my life INFINITELY easier. At least in terms of sewing :)That evening I managed to get all my squares cut (seriously loving the rotary cutter) and put together my pattern. This actually came easier than I thought it would. It only took a couple tweaks to get the pattern the way I wanted it, and then a bit longer to fix my mis-placements. Around 11:30pm, I called it quits. Then all day yesterday, I could not. stop. thinking. about getting home to work on Ellis’ quilt! I was determined not to let this much needed burst of inspiration and motivation slip by.

Last night, I pieced together my squares & after laying out my rows, discovered only one mistake. After a short deliberation & virtually no anxiety (yay me!), I decided to leave it as is. I figured that after I added my alternating rows of off-white fabric, the mis-placement would be hardly noticeable, and more importantly, it’s good for me to be okay with producing something less than perfect. Ellis will love it and is she really going to care that there’s a green square where a red square should be?

I’m a little over half-way done with the front of the quilt, and barring any complications of either the sewing machine or of the toddler variety, I should be able to finish tonight. Am I being too optimistic? Maybe, but I really, really want to have this finished for our trip. Don’t ask me why, I’m just compelled to do so. I wanted Ellis to have a little lap quilt while we’re away, something from mama, something from home.

I foresee another quick trip to Joann’s this evening for batting & possibly the backing fabric as I’m not sure if I want to use something I already have or not. Maybe a nice chenille backing? Maybe something lighter?

Be sure to check back for the finished product!

still getting to know her

2009-06-25T20:23:00.017-08:00

Ellis is full of life. She is, as I call her, the super-silliest. And she has the greatest laugh. She draws people in and they can't resist talking to her. The most surprising of whom was the brooding, rocker teenager at a Wal-Mart somewhere between Seattle & Portland.
Once you know Ellis, she is a total & complete charmer. That last trip to Seattle, I could sense the darkness looming overhead as Ellis & I boarded the plane and walked down the isle. By the time we had landed, she had won over everyone within a two row radius, including the perpetually-annoyed looking fellow sitting behind us. But, to strangers, this is more likely the look you'll be met with. Little Miss Serious. Ellis' standard m.o. is to check you out for about 15 minutes, and once she decides she likes you, she turns all cute, and is all, Look at me! Hey! See all the really cute things I can do??
Since we frequently have short interactions with people, I always wondered how she would react to those who fall into the "under 15 minute" category. Will she be trustful to a fault or will she be a good judge of character? Will she sense when people are weird and it's okay to ignore them? I know it's my job to teach her not to take candy from strangers & not to get into the van to see the puppy, but what if someone is able to convince her otherwise? (I realize with each passing day that I have much to be paranoid about when it comes to my daughter). Bottom line is, will she know when to back away.

Today I got my answer. We went to Safeway after work, and since we had just picked her up from my mom's, I didn't realize how tired she was until we got into the store. Poor thing had dark circles under her eyes. I'm trying to hurry through my list as well as the remember the things not on my list that I knew we needed, she's pulling on her seat belt, indicating that SHE WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME NOW, and would you believe I didn't even forget anything?

By the time we get to the checkout, she's fighting to keep her eyes open, which I'm trying to explain to the checker who keeps asking how she's doing. She's of course not responding because A, she's exhausted, and B, he was inside his 15 minute window. I am glad she's not responding because C, he's a weirdo.

He's trying to high-five her, still asking her how she's doing, referring to himself as grandpa (whoa, buddy), and while we're waiting for a price check on strawberry jam, he starts waving around the Pirate's Booty going pirate booty, pi-ret booty, pirate boo-tay. I'm thinking, Dude, if my kid, who up until now has been behaving like an angel, has a meltdown because she's tired & you're waving her favorite snack around in her face? So help me.....

And this is the really good part. The part you've been waiting for. He tries to high-five her again, and then a low-five because she won't budge, and then she actually scrunched her face at him & pushed his hand away. She DOES know when people are weird! I was thrilled.

As we walked away from the check stand, I concurred with her that he was indeed, very weird, and didn't he overstep his boundaries. On the way home, she chattered a bit from the backseat of the car, and about halfway into our 4 minute drive, she was completely crashed out.

Maybe now I can worry about one less thing.

Creative Share

2009-06-23T21:38:00.017-08:00

For the past six months there have been so many things I've wanted to share. Little things like how I'd become obsessed with watching the Real Housewives of New York and then New Jersey. (man, those ladies sucked me in!) Or really incredible things like what it felt like the first time Ellis hugged me or said mama. Or how I look at her every. single. day and think how freaking amazing she is and oh my god how did I get so lucky to have a daughter as gorgeous & perfect as Ellis? Seriously. Have you seen her? And she loves to garden! What more could I ask for?

I hope that this post marks the end of my unintended blogging hiatus. That being said, one of the things I have looked forward to every day is reading Donna Downey's blog. She's actually one of the very first blogs I found and I wish I could remember what I Googled to make her name pop up, but there she was, and I think I read her entire archives in one, long sitting.

Donna is insanely creative and has allowed her art to evolve naturally over the years. I love her no-fear approach to art, how she can take ordinary bits & pieces and turn them into something beautiful, and how she inspires women to find their artist within.

The latest in her Campaign for Creativity is Inspiration Wednesdays where she encourages you to take a chance with your art. The whole notion of Inspiration Wednesdays goes much deeper than that, but in its simplist form, it's just finding time to be creative because sometimes, its good for the soul. I'm expanding that to include writing one blog post per week, even if it's just to post a photo because I've got LOTS of those.

Lately I've satisfied my creative urges with greeting cards: creativity born from necessity! Most recently have been Father's Day and in my family, that's no easy task. Husband, check. Dad, check. Step-dad, check. Father-in-law, check. I do feel badly that I didn't have them made in time to send a hand-made card to my father-in-law, but his birthday's in August, so I have a second chance where that's concerned.

Anyhoo....here are this year's Father's Day cards. I generally use one or two or ten eyelets on any given project, but this time I tried to branch out & use some of the other embellishements I'm so fond of hoarding and not using. Like, what, I can't buy more hinges?

(font is ddscript)

I felt the inside needed a little something extra, but all in all, I was really pleased with how it turned out.

With this card I had a very vague idea of what I wanted, which was lots of rough edges, and striped paper resembling a men's shirt. And that was about it. After layering the striped paper with the green scrap and attaching the "happy father's day" printed on vellum, it wasn't quite enough. Enter the rustic wire! Now, this is where I pat myself on the back for actually using my supplies instead of the aforementioned hoarding. Adding a rough boarder of wire and attaching with the Tiny Attacher was exactly what it needed.

Next up was my mom's birthday, and I made this little gem on my lunch break today. The day of her birthday. See, I knew last week that her birthday was on Tuesday, but that was last week, and by the time Tuesday rolled around, well, let just say it's a good thing I noticed the birthday card on her counter this morning. I know, I'm a terrible, terrible daughter. And as you can see, I'm now a HUGE fan of the rustic wire. (and the tiny attacher) I was originally going to fashion a heart, but it started to resemble more of a balloon so I went with it. What did Bob Ross say? Happy accidents? The red & white paper is actually wrapping paper that I scooped up from Fred Meyer a while back, and the eyelets? Did I mention that I can't make anything without eyelets? (font is ali edwards)

It feels good to create again, and it feels good to write again. Thanks, Donna, for offerring up this outlet and giving me the push I needed!

snow baby!

2009-01-11T20:50:00.007-09:00

We've gotten a little snow in the past few days! I think somewhere in the pallpark of 40 inches. I had been in Anchorage for a seminar on tax changes, where it was painfully cold (sorry I didn't call, Sherrie!), so I missed all the actual snowfall. I know, bummer, right?

Our street has essentially turned into a one-lane road, and the snow is so high in our yard, Porter can walk across the fence. Can, and has.

Adam's on the phone with his sister, and apparently she shares the same joy in seeing a dumptruck full of snow as I do. Why am I so amused by the sight of a dumptruck full of snow? Who knows. But I always get a kick out of it.

We bundled Ellis up & took her out for her first real taste of snow. She'd been in snow before, but only from the car to the house, and vice versa. I think we may have had more fun with it than she did, although we'll just blame it on the fact that she didn't have much mobility in her snow pants & coat. Think Randy in the Christmas Story.

I'm sure she'll thank us for these photos someday :)

in case you were wondering

2009-01-05T23:49:00.002-09:00

That baby finally did come out. Ellis Olivia was born May 3 at 3:03 A.M, after about 60 hours of labor. That's first contractions to me asking Is she still a girl? And if I do say so myself, she's awfully damn cute. Really, have you seen a cuter baby? (I started this post so long ago, Ellis is now 2 months older than in these photos.)

I think I was in denial when I first began having contractions Wednesday afternoon (was 40 weeks of waiting finally here?? and THIS is what contractions feel like??), and by Friday morning, I was ready to throttle my doctor if she dared tell me I was not in labor.

After hooking me up to the monitor, I was thrilled to hear my contractions were 3 minutes apart. Woo hoo!!

I called Adam, who was at Temsco training (his part-time, 8th season, glacier-guide summer job) and said it was time to go to the hospital. Ummm, after I finish packing my hospital bag.....

My doctor appt was around 11 am, and I think we were settled into our hospital room around 2:00 or 3:00 pm.

When the on-call doctor first examined me, I was already 4 cm dilated, and I felt like a first-time-birth-super-star. Of course, I had been in labor for 2 days, so it would stand to reason I would be dilated. I made it to 5 cm within the hour, and that's where the dilation stopped. No amount of walking the hospital corridors or trying a different position would help.

By about 8:30 pm, I decided some IV drugs were in order. And when they say IV drugs just take the edge off, not completely take away the pain, they weren't lying. It was also about this time that the doctor made the call to administer pitocin to kick the contractions into gear.

Another couple hours of that (maybe I had also entered into the "transition" phase?), and I was begging for an epidural, trying to count in my head how many more contractions I would have to endure before the anesthesiologist arrived on site, and (realizing later) completely misjudging the number because I was high on pain meds.

Anyhoo, it was too late for an epidural so I got my wish about a (almost) natural childbirth. I had a hard time looking Adam in the face because I didn't want him to know how much pain I was in. Ha! Ha ha! Who did I think I was kidding? Adam said the wailing sounds coming from my mouth resembled someone trying to climb up the swim ladder on a boat, while being eaten by a shark.

Pushing seemed to take for-ever. Hours, I think. And lots of me saying I can't do this! I think the doctor was a little disappointed in my progress, or lack thereof. He may have a medical degree, but has he ever pushed a human being out of his vagina? What? No vagina? That's what I thought.

And then finally, FINALLY, I pushed her little head out, and I felt her body slither out, and the pain was gone just like that. And then we had a baby! She was perfect & beautiful, and I was so happy she was out. She wrapped her hand around my finger within the first hours of her life & just like that, the connection was made.

Our body's ability to forget the mind-blowing pain that is childbirth is an amazing thing, no? I mean, I was lying in my hospital bed the day Ellis was born, and said to Adam Well, that wasn't so bad; I could totally do that again. His response? How 'bout we wait until we've left the hospital before we discuss another baby, shall we?

For the chance at another Ellis, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

Romeo

2008-05-01T19:17:00.011-08:00

Romeo is a wolf who lives around Mendenhall Lake, where we normally walk Porter. Now, before Honey reads this & says "we" walk Porter, I need to qualify my statement & say that since my X-Tra Tuff boots stopped my fitting my sausage-like feet months ago & I refused to buy a new pair, I haven't been on a dog walk in quite some time. My brother Bucky & his dog Kona took over as Honey & Porter's dog walking partners, and this week, they finally met Romeo. Romeo, who for the most part just wants to play with dogs, is still a wild animal with wild animal instincts. and has killed at least one small dog.

Kona, Romeo & Porter:

Hard to believe how naturally they're playing with a wolf. Romeo really just wants to play. When Adam & Bucky made the decision it was time to leash the dogs again, Romeo whimpered & whined, and followed them along the beach for quite some time.

And PS, I'm beginning to think this baby is never coming out. Yeah, yeah, I officially have 9 days until my due date, but I'm ready & I firmly believe, so is she. I've been having mild contractions for days, and last night they came every 7 minutes from the time I went to bed until this morning when they only came inconsistently. I'm uncomfortable, the pressure on my pelvis is...I don' t even know what to say about how that feels, my back is sore, as are my hips, I lost my mucous plug yesterday & have been leaking ever since, and I don't want to spend another night of waking up writing down damn contractions every 7 minutes.

the cute...and the not so cute

2008-04-22T20:14:00.010-08:00

These are the fabrics I used for the nursery curtains. The red ticking I bought for crazy-cheap at WalMart, and the floral (Moda Summer In The City Strawberry Poppies) I bought last summer & only had one yard of. The striped fabric Jerusalem found in the sale pile at Joanne's, and if I had seen it, I don't think I would have looked twice. On it's own, the wide stripes & pinks were a bit of a departure from what I would normally choose, and it had a circus-tent quality that I was unsure of. But Jerusalem convinced me we could make it work.

Back at my house, she looked through my piles of fabric & chose the ticking & poppies as accents. After washing & drying the striped fabric, I loved the natural fray that resulted. Now, I'm not a great seamstress & can barely cut or sew a straight line, but I did have the good sense to sew a seam along the bottom to prevent it from fraying further the next time I wash them. Jerusalem also suggested using the back of the ticking rather than the front to give it a more vintage look. That is one clever gal.

Here is the finished product, and I couldn't be more pleased with how they turned out. I love the three patterns together, and I love them up against the Plume Bleu paint. I also love the impact floor-length curtains make in a room. In my head, I imagined all sorts of colors going with this paint color, and I hoped I was right. Turns out, I was.

Love the chandelier? I do. I saw it in Pottery Barn, and my mom bought it for her granddaughter. Aren't I lucky? I absolutely fell in love with the pink gingham shades. I wanted touches of pink in the room, but I didn't want it to look like a pink explosion, and I think I'm achieving that nicely.

The baby-girl's room isn't finished, but it's coming along. Especially since a very short time ago, it looked like this:

Today I had my weekly baby appointment. At previous appointments, despite my insanely-swollen feet & ankles, my blood pressure has been fine so my doctor wasn't concerned with preeclampsia. Last week, I was having headaches and spots in my vision, so they ran some blood work, which turned out fine. This week, my blood pressure was elevated and my urine was registering protein, so the doctor is still thinking preeclampsia is a possibility, and to be completely honest, I'm not even sure what that is.

At any rate, I go back on Friday to have my blood pressure tested again. I really hope they don't mention the words "bed rest" because I am not wasting my leave on bed rest. I'd prefer they'd induce labor, which I'm not thrilled about either. I'd rather my body go into labor when it was ready to, but if given the choice of bed rest or being induced, induce me.

Now: the not so cute:

Isn't this just about the ugliest foot you've ever seen?? You'd think I'd be embarrassed by it, but the truth is, I am oddly compelled to show off my swollenness. Honey said it's a good thing he doesn't have a foot fetish otherwise he wouldn't be able to sleep in the same room as me. Not that he enjoys sleeping in the same room with me as it is with my trucker-like snoring.

This evening we were sitting on our front deck, enjoying the simple act of sitting outdoors in short sleeves & no jacket. Our neighbor Nathan stopped by, and while Adam was on the phone with his brother Rob in California who had just finished watching Expedition Alaska on the Discovery Channel, featuring the Mendenhall Glacier where Adam guides in the summer (hi Rob!), Nathan & I were discussing the births of his 2 kids. After commenting on how "puffy" my feet looked, Nathan asked if he could touch it. I think he may have a foot fetish.

changes

2008-04-22T19:50:00.011-08:00

It's hard to believe we went from thisto this. In 2 days. In all fairness, the real temp was nowhere near 80 degrees, but it was 58 degrees, and do you see me complaining?
Doodles sure isn't. He will always find the sunny spot in the house. My little heat seaker.

getting close

2008-04-17T08:32:00.001-08:00

It's hard to believe how fast time flies....

Little Hunter is almost 5 months old & as cute as ever. Me? I've packed on 64 pounds & am left with very few shirts that actually cover my belly.

And at about 36 weeks, I'm just a little uncomfortable. My feet & ankles are painfully swollen. The other night Honey's boney ankle bumped up against my fat ankle & oh, my, did it hurt! Yes, yes, I know I'm in for it when it comes time for labor.

Rolling over in bed is an ordeal in itself, and actually getting out of bed? The achy hips, the legs so sore & stiff from the swelling, the ankles that hardly bend anymore...all things that make me wish I could just stay in bed. Except that unless I'm cuddling with Honey, even bed isn't comfortable anymore.

The baby thinks it's great fun to head-butt my bladder on a regular basis, and this past week, she has also been putting pressure in my, ummm, posterior-region. I know all you ladies know exactly what I'm talking about, but man, does it feel strange!

It's difficult to breath, and I find myself emitting a snort when a laugh should be coming out of my mouth. And if I can't control my breathing when I'm awake, imagine how I must sound when I'm asleep. Poor Honey doesn't have to imagine. I think he said something to the affect of ~ Honey, you sound like a trucker. But unlike me who kicks him when he's snoring, he has learned to just let me sleep. Because I told him he wasn't allowed to wake me up to tell me I'm snoring. But, still, he lets me sleep.

My body refuses to keep up with me anymore, which I don't like one bit. Doesn't it know I have things to do? That this baby will be here in 3 weeks & I'm not ready for her? I have a nursery to finish, thank-you's to write, a hospital bag to pack, and a life to say goodbye to. And I don't mean that last bit in a negative way, just that I have not yet come to grips with the fact that our life is changing in the hugest way imaginable.

Like the other day, my brother was over with Hunter, who for no apparent reason, started crying. Not just whimpering, but that stiff-bodied, eyes-shut-tight CRYING. For no reason. And when I asked Bucky what was wrong with his child, he said, ummmm, yeah, this is what babies do. Get used to it. And then he plucked his child from my arms and immediately calmed him down. Can I just say that I am so proud of the man & father my little brother has turned into?

But despite my complaining and feeling ready to get this little fatty out of my belly (as of my ultrasound on March 5th, the technician estimated the baby at nearly 5 pounds. 5 pounds at 29 weeks, people!), I am going to miss being pregnant so much. I won't miss those months where I went crazy, of course, but I will most definitely miss being pregnant. It's the most amazing thing I am capable of doing & I hope I never take it for granted. For so long, I felt like being pregnant was something that happened to other women, not to me. It was all so surreal. After the first ultrasound when we saw the baby & were told it was a girl, it still didn't feel right to refer to her as a she or a her instead of an it.

Even as my belly grew & it became quite obvious that I was pregnant, both from the outside & from the inside, it still didn't feel real. And now, with a closet full of tiny pink clothes, it doesn't entirely seem real. Except that right now I can feel her feet jutting out from my belly and her butt making my belly lop-sided, and I know she is real. How can I not miss something that has been a part of me for 10 months? A little something that I was solely responsible for growing into a little person? A little person Honey & I made because we wanted to share our love & life with a child. A little person we will try our best to keep the worst parts of ourselves from seeping into.

I wouldn't trade the past 36 weeks for anything. Even when I was in that very dark place, I was still incredibly grateful for being pregnant. Grateful that it happened as easily as it did, and grateful that after various blood tests, the worst result was that I'm RH-,which actually makes me feel special to have a rare blood type. I am grateful to have a husband who loves me enough to have a baby with me, and who always tells me good job on making a baby when I forward him my weekly updates from babycenter.com. I'm grateful for my family who I know will never let me fall too hard. I'm grateful for my friends who have all been so supportive and made me feel so special during my baby shower.

Even though I'm going to miss her presence in my body, I can't wait to meet her & hold her & tell her how much we love her.

clearly, mother nature hates us

2008-04-16T20:15:00.008-08:00

either that or she's just on strike. and to add insult to injury, there was an avalanche early this morning that took out the hydro-electric towers leaving the town to rely on diesel generators for power. the electric company is estimating that our bills will be increased by 500% for the next few months while they repair the towers, and they aren't even going to start repairs for at least a month. it sucked enough to pay $180 a month for electricity and we don't even use our electric heat (which reminds me, I need to pay our oil bill), but to have that increased by 500%?? I could say, at least it's coming up on summer when our electricity bill drops, but it's not going to matter much this year. the only good thing about today? costco now carries Izze. yippee! I totally blame dooce for my Izze addiction, and although the 12-pack at costco doesn't contain my favorite flavor, pink grapefruit, I'm still giddy. almost enough to make up for spending $200 at costco.

EDITED: we woke up to 8 inches of snow this morning. excuse my language, but this is CRAP!

butter cream yellow

2008-03-05T18:29:00.006-09:00

Fluffy butter-cream towels. I splurged on these towels when we bought our house. At the time, I didn't know exactly what color I'd be painting the bathroom (as long as it was not the dark teal-green paint that was on the walls with the maroon floral wallpaper ON THE CEILING) but I did know I wanted butter-cream towels. The rest of my bathroom is accented with bits of green (see yesterday's post) and more butter-cream yellow. This vintage napkin came in a set which I purchased at the Shoppes at Woodlawn last summer in Little Rock. They were so dainty, I couldn't resist. And this...I'm not exactly sure what it is or what it's intended purpose is except that I like it and that's all that matters. I'm sure it's a towel of sorts, but it's way to pretty to actually use. You can't much tell from the photo, but it's also a lovely shade of butter-cream yellow, and the flowers are embroidered in brown. I purchased this in Little Rock last summer, as well. The little dish, resembling a gravy boat, I found at an antique store in Seaside, Oregon. Adam & I spent a few days there summer before last and it was my favorite part of our 2+ week vacation. That trip, he was such a trooper, following me from antique store to antique store and never once complaining.

I received several of these vintage botanical prints from my step-dad. He got them from a family friend's house he was helping to clean out after they passed away. I have them scattered around the house on various shelves. At one point, I had them hung on the wall, but because they're so small, it just didn't work. They seem to lend themselves as background-art on a shelf, though.
I don't know what prompted me to search for vintage trays, but one day I did, and oh, man. This was the first of about 5 that I have, and is probably my favorite. I had to stop looking at them on e-bay because I kept finding more that I HAD to have, and certainly did not need. E-bay is dangerous. I find it best to just stay clear unless I'm looking for something very specific. At any rate, this one is on the side table next to my chair in the living room. It works well to keep a drink from toppling over because the wicker is not really conducive to that. This piece of furniture used to be fairly useless at keeping anything upright but was turned into an extremely functional side table by adding a tray.
Thanks for stopping by!

a sea of blue & green

2008-03-04T17:59:00.016-09:00

Well, I certainly don't have the same knack for color & composition as Miss Jerusalem, but here is my blue & green contribution to her week of color ~ a few of my favorite things....

At long last, my new coffee table. No, it's not round; I gave up on that search. This one did fit in perfectly with the overall look I've been transitioning into for the last few years, though ~ cottage, colorful, and comfortable. It was on sale in Pottery Barn, and I doubt I would have bought it had it been full price.

I purchased this darling little bathtub-soapdish from Anthropology when we bought our house. A sweet deal for $10, if I do say so myself. At one point, it used to have soap in it, but because I have a thing against bar soap (hate to use it, love pretty bars in pretty wrapping as decoration....except they get dusty & are impossible to clean, which I also hate), it is now used to hold earings & clips & things.

A couple more of my favorite bathroom items: the green tumbler I bought from See Jane Work a few years back. It came with a little dish, as well, and I think I spent about $16 for the set. And $16 for the set I also purchased in white. Really glad I bought both as they are no longer available. The hand soap was a Christmas gift from my mom. Not only does it alleviate my bar-soap issue, but the bottle is really lovely to look at. And it smells good. Fresh and not a bit overpowering. With as much time that is spent in the bathroom, I think it only fitting that it be filled with pretty things.
An assortment of my favorite green dishes. They have all come from my mom, the miniature planters (candles) from Tanya, the antique apothocary bottles from a day-trip to Tenakee Springs Honey & I took a few summers ago, and the tiny white pitcher from the Habitat for Humanity store (50 cents) last summer in Little Rock.

I have always loved daisies. There is even a photo of me at about age 4 with my face painted in daisies at the State Fair. I bought this blue hand-towel, far too pretty to actually use, in Leavenworth, Washington summer before last. Honey & I spent a little over 2 weeks traveling around Oregon & Washington (we put a lot of mileage on the rental car), and his mom & step-dad thought I would enjoy Leavenworth. I did indeed ~ besides the fact that it was August & about 112 degrees, it was a charming little town with Christmas stores open all year round, and I had a great time with my in-laws.

This "G" is one of the few items Honey brought into the relationship that has had a place of prominance in our home. He remembers it being in his house since he was in kindegarden, and isn't sure where it came from before that. It was previously painted black, but I of course had to add my cottage-blue flare. It sat in the garage for several months awaiting a second coat, which never happened. I think I had run out of paint. Some of the blue wore off showing the black underneath, but despite its imperfections (or maybe because of them) I decided it needed to be rehung. It is truly one of my favorite things, even before I took Honey's last name. Because it's special to him, it's special to me.

While I was treasure-hunting for colors last night, I took this photo of my Tiffany boxes. As Jerusalem said in her post, there are few colors finer than Tiffany & robin's egg blue, and I couldn't agree more. I doubt I'd have the same affinity for a lovely blue Tiffany box if I weren't so in love with Audrey & Breakfast at Tiffany's, though.

This picture frame, a wedding gift from Adam's cousin Sue, has more or less been the inspiration for what is now my decorating style. The frames are handcrafted from pieces of 150 year old cypress plantation buildings, and you can find them here. I loved the frame so much, I hung it on the wall sans photo until I found just the right photo worthy of being placed inside.

As you can see, I kinda like blues & greens...

pink!

2008-03-01T18:09:00.007-09:00

Pink has never been a prevelant color in my home, but now that we're having the baby-girl, it seems to be showing up a bit more :) Below are a few of my favorite pink items, some old, some new.

Too cute pink shoes from my mom. I think she's been enjoying shopping for her granddaughter ~ what do you think?

This gorgeous bib, handmade by the fabulous Manda at Treefall, couldn't be more perfect. I've been coveting one of Manda's bibs since I first saw them but was holding off purchasing one until we knew the sex of the baby. Then I found out, if you wait long enough, and you have a mother who knows you love Manda's creations, she will buy one for you :) Thanks mom!

These dried rosebuds were given to me by my friend Nicole as a completely random just-saw-them-and-thought-of-you gifts. Aren't those the best kind of gifts? The rosebuds used to hang in my walk-in closet in our old apartment, but they now add a perfect, delicate touch to my bathroom. I've had them for years, and never grow tired of looking at them.

Who doesn't love beautiful teacups? The first one mom bought for me for my bridal shower, which had a garden-tea-party theme. The second teacup I've had for years & years, and I'm sad to say, I can't remember where it came from. The third teacup, not quite visible in the photo, was from my sister-in-law Michelle (assuming she & by brother ever set a wedding date!). She bought if for me after Adam & I had gotten into a huge fight a few years back, and knew I was extremely distrought over this particular argument. She dropped the teacup off for me, just because. It's wonderful to have such sweet & thoughtful people in my life.

be nice or I'll sit on you

2008-02-29T21:23:00.003-09:00

So, apparently when people say to me these days, you sure there aren't twins in there?, there's something to it. This week, I measured at 32 weeks instead of the 29ish weeks that I am. My doctor said it's common to measure a centemeter or two off, but not 3. She suggested I have another ultrasound, just to make sure everything's okay. People have put the fear of twins into my head, but I think we've just got a really fat baby in there.

it's been so long...

2008-02-28T19:01:00.015-09:00

It's been so long, it's hard to know where to begin....

It's been so long, Honey has pointed out on more than one occasion that it's been a really long time since I've blogged. And honestly, I don't know why he cares, because he knows what I've been doing! I do like that he reads me, though.

It's been so long that I've since forgotten all the little stories that I've wanted to share.

It's been so long that the snow is down to about a foot in my yard.

It's been so long, I FINALLY found a coffee table!

It's been so long, I didn't even post my super-cute Valentine's card I made for Honey. But you can see it on my Flickr. And FYI, Honey made me a super-sweet Valentine's card filled with wedding photos & photos of the animals.

Since I turned back into a human after the months of being a raving lunatic, Honey & I have been busy finishing up the many house projects that we (I) have started & not finished. I figured that if we don't get them done now, before the baby comes, they won't ever get finished. And with 11 weeks to go, let's just say I'm motivated.

We emptied out the spare room and it became project-central. First ~ kitchen cupboard doors. Honey was adamently against painting them, and said this project was all me. And it was so much fun, I wanted to spread it out....for a year & a half. That's right. I started to paint the cupboards & doors somewhere around September of 2006.

It would have been much easier to paint them had I not been 7+ months pregnant. Honey did help prime some doors, but even better? He bought me lillies because I had been working so hard for so many evenings taping off & painting those damn doors. It seemed like the project would NEVER end. And, oh, man, did my back ache.

The colors are Benjamin Moore White Dove and Spring Morning. Once Honey installs the knobs, I'll post photos of the finished kitchen. Well, if I had my farmhouse sink, it would be finished, but for now, that remains a fantasy.

I re-painted the walls because I had done a crappy job when I painted them originally. Note to self: don't paint in a poorly lit room. The color is French General's Plume Bleu, and I love it. I also painted what was the craft room, which is now going to be the nursery, in Plume Bleu, and I love it so much, I'm not re-painting for the baby. And it didn't have a thing to do with the fact that I've got a huge to-do list before she comes.

Next, Honey ripped up the carpet and primed the subfloor with Kilz paint to cover where Riley-Cat peed. Here's Honey is laying the "vapor barrier" (I had to ask just now what "that red stuff is called"). Doesn't he look handsome doing manual labor? I think so.

We'd been saving money for months to purchase the flooring for the spare room and for our bedroom, but we waited so long, the flooring we have in the living room, hallway, and nursery had since been discontinued and we had to pick another color & brand altogether.

The new flooring, Pergo, isn't going down as easily as the Harmonics did. From what Honey tells me at least, and as evidenced by the slow progress he's making. (Honey, that's not a complaint, I'm just saying) He thinks he'll be done by the end of the weekend ~ yippee!

Lots more to share....will write more over the weekend.

totally worth the $9.50

2008-02-09T11:21:00.000-09:00

The other day, while looking for more maternity clothes because my work tops barely cover my belly any longer, I came across dog clothes on Old Navy. Adam said that anything that could make me laugh so hard after months of depression was worth buying. And, man was he right!

I can't say as Doodles liked his new outfit as much as I did, but I haven't laughed that hard in months. So hard my stomach hurt. Harder than when Adam got his subscription for Fitness Magazine, and harder than when we tried putting socks on Porter and my brother's dog Kona. And believe me, that was FUNNY.

And it feels so good to feel like me again. The me who doesn't freak out over idiot drivers. The me who isn't compelled to throw heavy objects in the general direction of my husband. The me who can't wait to see Doodles when we get home from work instead of being annoyed at his affections. The me who has the energy to clean my house and get on with the projects that have been on hold for months. The me who is finally enjoying my pregnancy ~ back aches, swollen feet, itchy skin, and all.

enough already!

2008-02-09T10:36:00.000-09:00

Snow, snow & more snow.

Today we are forecasted to get 24 inches of snow. 24 inches!! Old man winter can, in the words of Dooce, suck it.

This would be the temp as we were driving hom from work yesterday. The temp when we were driving into work? -12. -12!

The only good thing I can say about all this snow, is that it has shown me what sweet neighbors we have. Not that I ever thought they were bad neighbors, but the last week, they've been really wonderful. Last Saturday while Adam was in bed with the fever, I was attempting to shovel our driveway with the worst designed shovel ever, and not making much progress. Neighbor Dave from across the street came over with this snowblower and finished the job for me. He even came over in the evening after the snowplow had come by. The next day, after receiving several more inches of snow, our other-half neighbor Kelly had completely snowblowed our driveway. I'm telling you, the best neighbors ever.

week in review

2008-02-01T18:43:00.000-09:00

Can I just say that this was one loooonnngggg week? I still can't hardly believe it's Friday and I can finally exhale. We arrived home from work to find a care package from Adam's parents (baby clothes & some Valentine's goodies) AND my diploma! After working my ass off for 5 years, taking about 5 years off, finally finishing my last two classes a couple years back, putting of submitting my graduation application, battling with my so-called advisor on whether or not I had fulfilled my degree requirements, I officially have a degree in Bachelors of Business Administration with an emphasis in Accounting. All would be grand if Honey weren't currently caccooned on the couch with a fever of 101.

Last night I gave my feet a good soaking. I realized at about 3:00 in the afternoon that my left foot was incredibly swollen. So much so that it didn't fit into my slip-ons anymore & hung off the edge of my shoe by about a 1/2 inch. Yes, I have officially entered into the uncomfortable phase of pregnancy. Other than that, I was having a decent day. Until I dropped my Country Home into my tub of water, and it pretty much went downhill from there.

What did give me a good laugh this week? Getting the bill for a Fitness magazine subscription. See, Honey decided to enter us into the Publisher's Clearing House win-$5000-a-week-for-life contest. To do so, they of course try to get you to buy various subscriptions. (did anyone else collect the PCH magazine stamps when they were a kid? I used to hoard them.) Anyway, Honey had to uncheck all the boxes so he could just enter the contest & not wind up with a hundred subscriptions. So when we got the bill for Fitness magazine (one of the most unlikely magazines you will ever find in our household), I about peed my pants from laughing so hard. He said ~ one must have slipped by me! Then yesterday, he received a package for 3 children books. Looks like he missed more than one box....and signed up for a children's book membership in the process. Good thing we're having a kid.

Today I made the very difficult decision to go back on zoloft. I tried really hard to make it through my entire pregnancy, to give my baby the best possible environment to grow in, but I just couldn't do it anymore. It has put too much of a strain on me, on Adam, on poor helpless Doodles, and on my family in general. My doctor assured me that my baby is fully developed, that she's just growing at this point. I still worried that it would put too much of a strain on her delicate little system or that she'd go through withdrawals after she's born, but as the nurse pointed out today, babies survive far worse traumas. I have to believe that this is the right choice for my family. What I've gone through in the past months have to be far worse on her than me being on medication for the remainder of my pregnancy. So, here's to me feeling better and bringing some peace back into my home. Honey, thank you for putting up with me all this time. Thank you for not leaving me when I screamed at you to. Thank you for not giving into me when I believed I wasn't fit to be a wife or a mother. I love you all the bits...plus one.

And finally, your requisite Doodles picture:

Play with me!

Mom ~ he's not playing with me!

gotta love that Doodles!

I am sorry, but is he not the most handsome dog you've ever seen? I know we're obsessed with him, but how could we not be??

call me amazed...

2008-01-30T20:29:00.000-09:00

or not so bright.

Is it just me, or is anyone else shocked at the ease you can find the answer to your question via the magic that is GOOGLE? Just now, because my curiosity finally won over, I googled "AT&T commercial with monkey" to find out who sings the song, and BAM! Amos Lee, "Sweet Pea". Sweet pea, apple of my eye....

Last night I googled "macbook envelope commercial song", and BAM! "New Soul" by Yael Naïm. The internet rocks! I had to add "song" to the search, because believe it or not, when you just google "macbook envelope commercial", the song does not immediately show up in the results list. Go figure.

The other thing I think is really cool? All the other people out there doing there doing exactly the same thing as me. Googling not to find out more about the product, but to find out who sings the songs in the commercial. Do you think the product developers and ad execs intended on that??

And PS, Honey googled the HP commercial last year to find out who sung the Picturebook song for me, and bought me the Kinks cd. It really is the little things in life that make me happy.

good stuff

2008-01-29T18:27:00.000-09:00

Pretty in pink! Some might say I have a magazine addiction. "Some", being my husband. He also says I have a fruit addiction. (out of a $65 grocery bill, about $50 of that was fruit. seriously) Anyhoo, I loved all the February magazines, as I'm sure you did, too. I actually haven't read the Country Living yet, but if it's as good as last month's which featured bits on Russell & Hazel (love, love, love R & H), See Jane Work (love them even more than R & H), and Amy Butler (who doesn't love Amy Butler?), I'm in for a treat.

Not gonna lie ~ we had a bit of snow last weekend. And because we love him so much, we bought Porter a new car ~ a Ford Escape. It was our intention to buy a new vehicle before the baby was born, one that we could put Porter in the way-back & he wouldn't step on the baby. It was our intention to shop around a bit, do some test drives, do some research on-line, and be ready to negotiate like pros.

It was not our intention to test drive one vehicle, hang out in the car dealership for 2 1/2 hours, and drive home with a new car. But that's what happens when you spend 2 1/2 hours in a car dealership while they "run some numbers", and check with their boss because we were "lucky" enough to get the guy so new, he didn't even have business cards printed, and then they run some more numbers.

They get you. And I didn't even get to drive my Jetta one last time.

But, the car is growing on me, and in my heart, I know it was the right choice for our growing family.

He really does love me! Honey went on-line to buy a gate for the back of the new car so Porter wouldn't be tempted to hop over the back seats, and don't think he wouldn't try. Honey also bought me 2 new books! I asked if they were from my Amazon wish list, and he said that no, no, they were from his recommendations. Since he only buys things for me on Amazon & never anything for himself, Amazon is of the impression that he's gay. And I don't mean to offend gays, I just think it's funny that Amazon recommends things like decorating books and chic-flicks. Tell me that's not funny! And I love these books. I want to crawl inside and live in the pages of these books. Thank you, Honey ~ I love you!

Oh, did I say SUNDAY?

2008-01-18T20:50:00.000-09:00

Ummmm, yeah. So I missed the mark by a week. Or two. We'll just say that I was having some bad days and leave it at that, shall we? I've had 3 WHOLE day without tears, though, so that's some good news!

The 100th post winner ~ Sherrie! If you want to see some really amazing photos of Alaska, check out her blog. She's a total bad-ass, is one of the sweetest girls I know, and I think I can safely say she was one of Adam's favorite people to work with on the glacier. Thanks for your encouraging comments, Sherrie ~ I hope you like your notebook!

Honey & I have had an adventure of our own, although nothing like climbing ice falls. This past weekend, we went on an annual camping trip to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of our dear friend Bill's death. Through Billy, we have made some equally amazing friends; people who accepted us into their group for no other reason than because we were okay in the eyes of Bill. And if there was anything I could say about Bill, it's that if Bill said it was a good idea, you believed it was a good idea, too. That was just Bill's way. To be in Bill's world was something incredibly special, and those who knew him know exactly what I mean. I could say I felt slighted that I knew him for such a short time, but I don't think Bill would approve of that sort of thinking. Instead, I will be grateful for the months that I did have him in my life.

The camping trip was at Cowee Meadows, a 2.1 mile hike from the road. Adam & I have done this hike several times, but never in these conditions. And FYI, hiking in thigh-high snow while 6 months pregnant: NOT EASY. Ordinarily I would rather shoot myself in the foot than say anything negative about Dooce, but I'm sorry; her snow is nothing compared to this.

Honey went first to pave the way for me & Doodles, not that it didn't still suck. This is where we made the foolish, foolish mistake of cutting out into the meadows rather than stick to the trail in the woods, which under normal circumstances would make the hike considerably shorter. Not the case when there's 2 feet of fresh snow on the ground. We cut back into the woods as soon as we could, but by that point, I was already so sore I could hardly lift my legs. I was not anticipating the strain it would put on my hips and on my body in general. And when one falls, which I did about a dozen times, it's really, REALLY hard to get back up when you're in that much snow, and totally off balance with a backpack & a big belly. I am not ashamed to say I used Doodles as a brace to get myself back up on more than one occasion. He just looked at me like ~ Excuse me? What is this we're doing??

And this would be me, wearing Honey's outdoor gear because none of mine fits anymore, and obviously early enough in the hike that I'm still smiling. Trust me when I say that I would only make this trek in this condition for Billy K.

This is what relief looked like to me on that day: seeing the cabin after 2 VERY long hours of hiking. Cowee Meadows is one of my most favorite places to be, although we only camp here once a year. We used to come out with 2 other couples on another annual trip, but they've since moved away.

This trip, there were 3 other couples, 3 dogs, and one toddler named Meadow ~ named for these meadows. Six of us slept upstairs in the loft while the couple with the toddler slept downstairs. Between the crinkling of sleeping bags, pacing dogs, the fear of a mouse coming into my sleeping
bag, multiple snorers, and Meadow, who woke up screaming in the middle of the night, I got very little sleep. Oh, and because I didn't have the strengh to move my legs, to roll over I had to either manually lift my legs or use the slope of the cabin's roof for momentum. And worrying about a mouse coming to visit? Not for not. I woke up to the light of a headlamp because a mouse was on Bret's face. ON. BRET'S. FACE. He handled it much, much better than I would have.

The drive home was no piece of cake, either. Not for Porter, of course, who slept the whole way. There was about a foot of snow on the road, and there is no road mainenance that far "out the road". There were times that the car got a little squirrely, heading dangerously close the edge (the edge being a cliff that dropped off to the ocean). I'd put my hand firmly on Honey's leg, as if me, not his seatbelt, was going to keep him from being tossed through the windshield. It somehow makes me feel better, though.

My poor body has since recovered, and even though I am so glad we made the trip, I don't think we'll make it next year with an 8-month old baby in tow. I may have been a trooper this year, but I have my limits!

Me at 24 weeks. I'm not thrilled with my face getting fatter & fatter, but I rather like my belly. Sometimes I still can't believe this is my body, that I've got a real little person growing inside me. Until she starts kicking & punching. I think I will miss that feeling. I know I will. She's kicking hard enough for Honey to feel, which I'm sure makes this more real to him, too. Sometimes we sit with our hands on my belly going ~ Felt that! Felt that! Even though my pregnancy hasn't been easy for me, I am still amazed every day that there's a baby in there.

guess which half of the book of baby names I can skip?

2008-01-03T11:43:00.000-09:00

If intuition had anything to do with the sex of the baby, we’d be having a boy. I think because I had convinced myself of that fact, it came as quite a shock to hear the ultrasound technician say the opposite.

I always thought that those women who said I don’t care what the sex is as long as the baby is healthy were full of it. How could they not have an opinion on the sex of their child? Now I know. My feelings toward finding out we were having a girl couldn’t compare to finding out she was developing properly & that she looked healthy. As I lay there, the anticipation I thought I would feel about knowing whether to shop for pink or blue never materialized. Instead, I found myself more worried that something would be wrong. Every time the technician would pause and hmmmmm to herself, I was convinced she was seeing some sort of abnormality. Thankfully, though, that was not the case.

Other observations about my ultrasound: the baby was moving around a lot, including taking breaths and waving her little arms. I was apparently also experiencing Braxton Hicks, but I never would have known had the technician not told me.

It’s going to take some getting used to referring to the baby as “her” or a “she” instead of “it”. It was somehow easier when she was still an “it”. It was less real before, and now she’s this little person that I’ve seen with my own eyes.

22 weeks and counting:

New Year's Highlights

2008-01-01T11:48:00.000-09:00

Fun with babies: you can pose them & they can't do anything about it. Bucky thought Hunter made for a good elf. Michelle & I were laughing so hard, I'm surprised we actually got a clear photo. And I'm not sure if the fact that Photoshop didn't take out his red-eye makes the photo better or worse. Either way, he's pretty damn cute! Just look at that face ~ isn't he precious?

Don't have a tripod? No worries! Just use Michelle! I think she was getting a bit annoyed as Bucky was taking far too long to take a picture of Riley in a basket. I must have hundreds of various Riley-in-a-_________ photos from the past 7 years. One day I'll do a collage.

Adam is so good with Hunter. I think he's got him to stop fussing 3 different times now. And, Adam changed his first ever diaper last night! It was awfully cute watching my younger brother teaching my husband the intricacies of diaper changing! Bucky even had some pointers for me. Apparently, when I rolled the dirty diaper up, it wasn't tight enough. See, the kid goes through a lot of diapers, and you've got to roll them up pretty tight to fit it in the diaper genie.

Fireworks!

All in all, we had a great time. We played the board game Battle of the Sexes, had sparkling cider at midnight, AND I even stayed awake well past midnight, which I didn't think was likely to happen!

Today, I feel good. I stayed in bed really late & cuddled with Honey, and didn't even feel anxious about being so lazy. Right now, Doodles is laying next to me because he likes to cuddle, too.

New Year's Day is so much easier for me than the day after Christmas, which as I wrote previously, is just depressing. New Year's Day is a day full of possibilities; the closest we can get to starting over and changing the things in need of changing.

to a new year

2007-12-31T14:58:00.000-09:00

First off, an update on Tanya: she is back home from surgery & all appears to have gone well. Phew.

I wish I could say all has been merry & bright these past couple of months in terms of my pregnancy, but alas, I cannot. And since a while back I wrote about being honest, I feel compelled to be honest again now. I have felt myself drifting away again, but since I tend to get somewhat melancholy around the holidays, and because I am often affected by seasonal affective disorder (and because this winter has been particularly gross without much snow), I ignored it. I ignored my frequent feelings of just wanting to be alone (offset by my neediness & feeling completely lonely when Honey falls asleep before I do) and my feelings of slipping back into depression. I think I just always hope ~ tomorrow I will feel better. And sometimes I do. And then sometimes I wake up angry at the world, pissed because Honey’s snoring has woken me up countless times during the night, or because Riley-cat has decided he needs to get into the bathroom cupboard. (And let me clarify that I’m not pissed directly at Honey because I know he can’t help that he snores when he sleeps on his back). This is all exasperated by little things like my curling iron cord getting stuck on the bathroom cupboard knob, or not being able to find the sweater I wanted to wear; the one non-wrinkly item of clothing I had because I don’t have the energy to iron. I often dread going to work, not because work is bad, but simply because I have to leave the house. It sucks to leave the house even more when you’ve started your day out crying & you now look as crappy as you feel.

This weekend, I fell back into a very dark place. A place where after a few very minor setbacks which were anything but minor at the time, I spent nearly the entire day Sunday in bed. I did get up, for a very a short time in the morning, and after throwing a container of Pledge dusting wipes at the front door and then seeing the look on Porter’s face, which can only be described as concern & confusion, I calmed down a bit. I took down the Christmas tree, and as that had wiped any energy I had right out of me, I laid back down on the couch. Honey woke up and told me he didn’t appreciate being told he was going to be left out at the end of the road with the rest of the animals (yes, boys & girls, this was the first thing I said to my husband, before even setting my feet on the floor), so I decided I wasn’t fit to be around anyone & crawled back into bed.

I cried for a long while, slept for a short while, and mostly just laid there thinking. It’s almost too painful to even write the things I was thinking, but if I do write them, maybe it will help me to realize that I didn’t really mean them, because I didn’t. While in the midst of despair, it’s impossible to see that, but I can see it now. At the time, I wished I could un-do everything: I didn’t want my house, my husband, or my baby. It was all too much to deal with, and I felt I was not, nor would I ever be, able to handle it all. If I can’t handle the cats waking me up, how would I ever be able to handle a crying baby? What if I didn’t get back on meds soon enough after the baby’s born? Would I want to drop it off out at the end of the road, too? Would I be one of those mothers you see on TV who went completely berserk?

More things got thrown (2 remotes, a bottle of water, and my alarm clock; nothing broke), and every time Honey came in to see what was wrong, I just screamed at him to leave me alone. He has had to deal with many, many things in his life, but as far as I know, depression is not one of them. And for that reason, he can’t, and may not ever be able to understand how I can feel this way when, in his mind, nothing is really that bad. And he’s right. The things that set me off are not really that bad, but I guess that’s what sets a person who is hormonal apart from someone who is not. I don’t fault Honey for not understanding; I couldn’t possibly when I hardly understand why I am the way I am.

I finally got back out of bed around 4:00 pm, and fell asleep around 9:00 in my comfy chair. Since I was sleeping pretty well, and because Honey wasn’t snoring (he had fallen asleep on the couch), I stayed put. Around 4:00 am, when I was too uncomfortable to fall back asleep, I crawled into bed where I laid wide awake for about an hour. I realized that I hadn’t felt the baby move all day, and that both worried me and made me realize that I didn’t want it un-done. I laid my hands across my belly & rubbed it until I could feel the baby squirming around.

When I heard Honey’s footsteps coming down the hallway, I was so relieved, and it felt so good to have him in bed next to me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt safer than in those moments with his arm wrapped around my belly. He said he hadn’t felt the baby move yet; that he keeps waiting for it. I told him that while the baby does move quite a bit (mostly at night when I’m laying in bed), I’ve yet to feel it from the outside either. And then I was finally able to fall asleep, a really good sleep.

I wasn’t sure if I would be up for dinner at my mom & step-dad’s tonight as planned, or up for game-night with my brother & Michelle ~ even though a big dose of Hunter-snuggling is probably just what I needed ~ but I’m feeling much better now. I don’t understand how I can feel like my life can be falling apart in one moment, and feel good a few short hours later. I know some therapy would likely do me some good, if for no other reason than to have someone to talk to (someone who won’t feel frustrated because they don’t understand why the hell I’m so weepy), but my insurance policy isn’t very kind to those with mental health issues & taking on another expense at this point would just cause more anxiety. I do know something has to give, I just don’t know what.

I just wanted to say a big thank you for listening & for being in my life this past year. Although many of you are strangers in the sense that we will never meet face to face, I consider you all my friends & it is so very comforting to know you are out there & that you care. I hope you all enjoy your New Year’s holiday with your friends & family. I know I will.

And purely by chance, this is my 100th post. To celebrate, I will draw a name at random from those who leave a comment to receive a special hand-made gift.

Edited: I realize that this is a very depressing post to leave a comment on, and perhaps one that some people wouldn't want to comment on or wouldn't know what to say. Thank you to Jeru & Jeanetta who have already left me sweet messages that I'm taking to heart. To anyone who wishes to comment for the giveaway, feel free to just say hello, or to comment on any other post I write this week. I promise they will be more lighthearted, and tomorrow I will hopefully have some very good news to share. Thank you again to everyone for your support. I will draw a name on Sunday! TG

say a prayer

2007-12-31T10:34:00.000-09:00

Today my dear friend Tanya is having surgery, which makes too many to count for someone of her age & in such a short amount of time. I am hopeful that this will finally make her pain-free, healthy, and that she will have NO MORE SURGERIES in 2008.

the day after

2007-12-26T11:41:00.000-09:00

Does anyone else feel sad & lonely today? I spend all day Christmas with my husband & my family, and then I’m suddenly thrust back into work & I just feel lonely. Even my radio isn’t coming in very clear, which seems oddly fitting with the way I feel today. Just a bit off.

I want to be at home cuddling with Honey & Porter, who last night must have felt lonely too, because he decided he needed to lay on me, not just next to me. Honey had already fallen asleep on the couch, my lonliness had set in, and so I let him stay there even though a 55 pound dog lying across my belly wasn’t entirely comfortable. If Honey had witnessed that scene, he would have been miffed, because I often tell him his arm is too heavy when he drapes it across my belly when we’re asleep. Except, once he told me that when he put his arm across my waist & his hand rested on my belly, he was imagining what it would be like if there was a baby in there. I told myself that when I became pregnant, I would always let him put his hand on my belly.

I want to be at home, putting away my new goodies, putting away Christmas, and basically restoring order to my home. As much as I love Christmas and the entire month of planning, decorating, and celebrating, it will be a welcome relief to have life back to normal; to not have anything Christmas-related on my to-do list. I want to be tying up my loose ends & closing my loops so as to reduce my anxiety & free up space in my mind. Space that I will fill up with baby-planning, and reading my pregnancy books that I’ve not had time to read this past month.

I want to be at home watching our new DVD’s, of which we received many. Chic-flicks for me, and for Honey, I bought Ratatoullie and the Planet Earth series, He loves to watch anything on the Discovery or National Geographic channel. The other night, we both fell asleep in the living room, and I woke up to a show on giant turtles. The turtle had ensnared himself in a trap or something else he was otherwise unable to escape from, and wound up cooking himself from the heat ~ just moments before the tide had come up & freed him. It killed me to know that this poor turtle had baked to death, when there was a cameraman there who could have saved him. It was more than this pregnant gal (with “extra” feelings normally) could handle. When I told Adam about how much it bothered me, he said they’re not allowed to interfere, but it still seemed cruel to me. Even knowing the turtle’s death was part of the cycle of things in the animal world by becoming shark food didn’t make me feel any better. If I were at home today, I would not be watching a show about dying turtles.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T16:27:00.000-09:00

I have officially wrapped my last gift. (Doodles was exhausted just watching it all). Honey & I are having roasted chicken & stuffing for dinner tonight, will likely turn on a 24 hours of A Christmas Story, and at some point, take Doodles out for a walk.

We had not-quite-Christmas Eve dinner last night with Bucky, Michelle & baby Hunter, and tomorrow after having a big breakfast at home, we'll spend the day between my mom & step-dad's house, and my dad & step-mom's house. While it may sound crazy-hectic, it's really all very relaxed.

However you are spending your day tomorrow, I hope you are surrounded by your families, too.

P.S. I loved this movie

2007-12-23T12:38:00.000-09:00

Last night I dragged Honey to see P.S. I Love You, and I absolutely loved it. Honey, of course, thought it sucked. He's not one for chic flicks, although he did say that once we own it and he's seen it 4 times, maybe he'll grow to like it. At least that's something!

I must have cried about 8 different times during this movie, and I know I wasn't alone because I could hear sniffling coming from all sides. I'm sorry, but if you are in a relationship, or more specifically, are married to the love of your life, and you don't cry during this movie, you're just dead inside.

This movie made me really think about my marriage, and how it doesn't occur to me that it could be cut short. I married Honey with the belief that we will grow old together, and I never once considered the possibility that he could die young. If I allowed myself to think about such things, I probably never would have married him because the thought of losing him would hurt way too much.

P.S. brought up a whole mess of emotions that I never even knew existed. I could empathize with Hilary Swank's character more than any other character I've watched in years. I could feel in my heart what it would feel like to be a widow at age 30, and it sucked. When you marry the man you love, that's not supposed to happen, you know? How do you ever get over that? How do you get out of bed in the morning? Go to work? Move on? Smile? Allow yourself to fall in love again? I just can't imagine how I'd ever get over losing Honey.

So, go watch this movie. Cry, laugh, give your husband a big hug, and treat your marriage as if every day could be its last.

not a post about holiday cheer

2007-12-23T11:39:00.001-09:00

This morning I was about to nudge/poke/kick Honey to roll over so he'd quit snoring until I realized it was not Honey snoring, but rather a dog barking outside for no apparent reason. And I have very little tolerance for dogs who bark for no apparent reason, nor for dog owners who let their dogs stay outside barking instead of bringing them inside. My exreme lack of tolerance is probably Porter is not a barker, and has yet to pick up the Husky trait of howling. He is extremely verbal, however, and has no problem letting us know that he is pissed and/or frustrated by plopping himself down in the middle of the living room floor with a big sigh & a harumph!

Anyway, Porter came into our bedroom to let us know he wanted to be let out; I believe not because he had to go potty but because he wanted to give the barker a healthy dose of shut the hell up.

holiday bits

2007-12-20T15:48:00.000-09:00

Yesterday I was quite convinced I was coming down with a cold. My sinuses were bothering me more than usual, I felt like my throat was closing up, and I felt light-headed. This morning, thankfully, I am feeling better. Still having sinus troubles, but no more so than every day the past 2 months. I refuse to be sick for Christmas!

I have been hearing commercials on the radio that on Friday, Santa will be making the rounds through the main streets of downtown, and up into the residential neighborhoods ~ on a fire engine! It reminded me of when Adam & I lived downtown and we witnessed this for ourselves. We stood outside on the sidewalk, and couldn’t help but smile at the sounds of all the children screaming SANTA! SANTA! SANTA! SANTA’S COMING! IT’S SANTAAAAA!! A total explosion of enthusiasm. Truly priceless, and I’d forgotten all about it until yesterday.

I’m nearly done with my holiday shopping, but still have a few things to purchase, and a few things that should be arriving this week via Mr. UPS. I was so far ahead of the game the last week of November/first week of December, and then I don’t know what happened. I am waiting to wrap presents until Monday, which I just found out I have off. Yippee! I plan on watching all the Christmas movies I have yet to watch, and have myself a little wrapping party.

I recently bought a tag-maker kit (made by Making Memories) for about $17, normally priced at $46. I couldn’t exactly pass that up, now could I? No, I didn’t think so. I made all the tags for the gifts mailed to my in-laws, and while it takes a bit more time than using the pre-made gift tags one can buy in pack that will last about 7 years, it definitely personalized our gifts. I like to be known for my handmade things, even if the recipient didn’t know they were handmade.

Besides holiday gifts, I’m finding all sorts of uses for my tag-maker, and plan on tagging the hell out of all my baskets that hold my crafting supplies.

Speaking of handmade things, here is the holiday card that I sent out this year. Between my family, Adam’s family, and the handful of friends that I send cards to, I send out about 60 each year. This particular card was a multi-step process that took several evenings to finish. But, it’s probably my favorite Christmas card I’ve made yet, so it was worth it. You probably can’t see it, but the red & white paper have little gold flecks in them, which I just love.

I had fully intended on making loads of extra cards so I could list them on my shoppe, but I drastically underestimated the time it would take to make them. I did take 3 sets of 5 cards to The Creating Place to consign, and as of last week, one pack had sold. Maybe the last-minute-shoppers will snatch up the other 2 packs...and maybe next year I’ll start making them in June so I actually have some to list. Oh, wait, I’ll have a newborn then ~ who am I kidding?!

This week I received a very special package from the very special Manda. It was my first overseas package, and I probably stared at the envelope & its par avion royal mail stamps for a good five minutes before actually opening it. Honey even commented that I was just as intrigued by the packaging than its contents. He really does know me so well.

I wish I could show you what was inside the package, but I can’t. I received two items; one for myself and one for my mom, so if I show & tell, it will spoil the surprise. Upon receipt of my _________, I instantly felt as if I were now a part of a very special club: those who know & appreciate Manda McGrory and the wonderful things she creates. Really, I can’t say enough about her & how much I love her designs. She says she never uses a pattern, which is further proof of her creativity. Her color combinations are too pretty for words ~ oh, to have access to her fabric collection!

Okay, so don't judge me or think I'm totally weird, but I will forever associate the holidays with soap operas. That right, I said, soap operas. I think the reason being is because when I was on Christmas break in high school, I often spent my afternoons watching All my Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital. For many many years, we didn't have cable, and when you don't have cable, you get one fuzzy channel that is a combination of ABC and NBC. This meant that the only shows available to me were the soaps. The soaps were filled with pretty people, with perfect hair and perfect makeup, and they were always going to a holiday ball. And I (foolishly) wished I could be like them, with a perfectly scripted life. Now I know better, although I do sometimes wish I came with a script.

Throughout this post, I have included photos of some of my favorite Christmas ornaments. (I could do a separate post on just my ornaments, but I really don’t see that happening between now & Tuesday). My mom has purchased my brother & I an ornament every year since birth, although she says we’re too old now & has cut us off. I will speak on behalf of Bucky & I and say that while we may understand her sentiment, we most certainly do not think we are too old to receive our annual ornament from mom. Just throwing that out there, mom….:)

I usually purchase an ornament each year for Adam & I; something to symbolize our past year together. Last year was this house ornament because we bought our first house (insert “duh” here). And that reminds me, I haven’t bought our ornament for this year. Nothing terribly eventful has happened except for that I left my hellish, stress & anxiety inducing job for a one where I’m not treated like crap on a daily basis, and that I got knocked up. But since the baby won’t be born until next year, it doesn’t seem right to mark that event in this year. Do they make ornaments in the shape of a tiny little pregnancy test??

Happy Holidays, everyone! May all of your holiday wishes come true.

three little words that make me happy

2007-12-19T08:20:00.000-09:00

White Christmas Forecasted.

festive doodles

2007-12-18T20:29:00.000-09:00

Here is my darling Doodles, modeling a holiday apron made by the fabulous Jeanetta. It even has extra-long straps to accomodate my ever-growing waistline. I'm sure I enjoy wearing it more than he does. I believe he is saying ~ woman, what are you doing to me?!

And here he is with his Christmas blankie, a gift specially for Doodles from my in-laws. Adam says he looks "defeated" in this photo. Just look at those sad eyes! I don't know how you can be sad with a soft, red blankie, though!

As I'm sitting here giggling over these photos, Honey looked over my shoulder & said it's degrading to post a photo of Porter in an apron and asked if I could also post a photo with a toolbelt and a drill. Hmmmm.....

come on in!

2007-12-17T20:29:00.000-09:00

I love the holidays. Am fanatical about them. I love that the lamp posts downtown are wrapped in lights and that my favorite shops put up Christmas trees. I even love the Christmas commercials on TV. I love satsuma oranges, and have eaten so many that underneath my thumbnail has turned orange. FYI, Porter also loves satsumas. The first time I gave him a piece of orange, and after he had pierced through the skin, he rubbed his head in it. Strangest thing I've ever seen that dog do. Even stranger than the time we took him to the beach & he tried to hunt & catch the fish rather than roll in the dead ones.

In our house, Christmas decorations go up Thanksgiving weekend because the way I look at it, if I'm going to put in that much effort to decorate my house, I want it up long enough to make it worthwhile. Not to mention the fact that it's all so pretty to look at. When I'm decorating or crafting, Adam asks me if I'm "doing Christmas". See, Honey knows it's a month-long event!

Adam was a trooper, and put up the outside lights ~ without my having to ask, even! We hang clear icicle lights, but I think I will have to be a copy-cat of our neighbors Nathan & Michelle and get the twinkling icicle lights from Home Depot for next year. Every fifth light twinkles, but it has a random twinkling afffect & looks so, so pretty.

Not like our next door neighbors, Crazy-Jane & Phil, who clearly need some lessons on how to hang lights. 1. Do not hang a strand of icicle lights, and then a string of regular lights. 2. The end connector piece ~ you know, the gap where there aren't any lights? ~ take the time to bundle them up & don't leave them stretched out so there's a gap between your icicle lights and the plain string of lights. Adam said Crazy-Jane must have been drinking again (or that her meds have kicked in) because when she came out to admire Phil's handywork, she exclaimed ~ Oh, Honey, those lights look beautiful! Now, ladies, you know we appreciate it when our husbands try to do something sweet for us, but wouldn't you pipe up if the lights looked awful, and trust me when I say Phil's looked awful?

Anyway, in year's past, I've been known to go a little nuts buying holiday decorations, but that was also when I was still establishing my collection. Now I've learned that there really is such a thing as TOO MUCH STUFF, and try to only buy one or two things at most. I'm trying to focus more on creating my holiday decorations rather than buying them, although this year I haven't done a lick of crafting aside from my Christmas cards. I also have to hold myself back from purchasing loads of holiday dishes. If I hosted an annual open house (we had a holiday party one year, and I'd love to make it annual thing), maybe I could rationalize multiple sets of dishes, but until that day I try to refrain.

Last year, I got this Charlie Brown tree from Urban Outfitters, which I absolutely love, and I found a use for all the tiny little gift boxes I'll never re-use, and the last scrap of gorgeous Christmas-toile wrapping paper. I also purchased this handpainted Noel sign. This year, I couldn't resist the adorable mittens hanging below. They almost look handcrafted, don't they?

My tastes have also changed somewhat over the years. As my mom mentioned, we usually receive a giant box of greenery from family in Oregon. I would use the leftover cedar & boxwood to lay over table tops, shelves, ledges; basically anything that would sit still got greenery. The look I was going for was organic, woodsy: picture a b & b in Vermont. While I've always loved antiques, I didn't necessarily go for vintagey decorations, and aside from my ornament collection from my mom, I would rather have had new than old decorations. Silly, I know. While I still love the woodsy look, I'm trying to incorporate more handmade & vintage items into my decorating.

Unfortunately, what this means is that I don't really have a set theme that is carried from room to room, and sometimes I wish I did. I have my Santa collection, my snowman collection, my Snow Baby snow globes the Nativity set my mom put out when I was growing up, Adam's nativity set, a garland I made of wooden ornaments from Adam's grandma, a couple of holiday-greetings banners inspired by the fabulously talented Jerusalem; all random things, but all things I love.

I love decorating the tree. We usually buy one, but will probably opt for the great, tree hunt once the baby gets older. After my brother & Michelle had got their tree, he asked me what kind we had got. I replied ~ a Grand Fir. He said they had gotten a Noble Fir, the "Cadilac of Christmas trees". I think I may have mentioned before that we're slightly competetive with one another.....

So, while my house may never grace the pages of a magazine, it says "home" to me, and in the end, that's all that matters. I like to think I have created a lovely & relaxing home for Adam & I, and for the May-Baby. Rily-cat likes it, anway.

meet Hunter James

2007-12-07T18:54:00.000-09:00

welcome to the world, little nephew.

I'm an aunt!

2007-12-07T15:25:00.000-09:00

And there's not much more to say than that :) Wendy, Michelle's mom was at the hospital visiting when they had brought in the doctor, and she just called my mom to let her know that baby was born & that he had all his fingers & toes. They hadn't even weighed him yet. Now I have to wait the excruciating hour & a half until I get off work until I can see the baby and give my brother a big hug. I don't think I can stand it.

going out of my mind

2007-12-07T14:50:00.000-09:00

Michelle checked into the hospital last night in order to be induced into labor. Yesterday afternoon, after performing some tests & determining there was still plenty of amniotic fluid, the doctor wanted to induce anyway since she was nearing 2 weeks past her due date. They didn't administer the pitocin until this morning, and I've been so anxious all day. Everytime I think about what a huge thing this is ~ my little brother becoming father, I start tearing up. Who am I kidding? "Tearing up" is an understatement; I've been crying off & on all damn day! Plus, I feel so badly for Michelle & the pain she must be in. From what I understand, being induced is much more painful than regular labor, and with no breaks in between contractions. Again, just the thought of her being in that much pain makes me cry. I've known this day was coming for several months now, so I didn't expect all these emotions to sneak up on me and in such a overwhelming way. It's all just so much to comprehend. Oh, man, I'm going to be an absolute wreck when it's my turn!!

At any rate, I just heard from my mom, who said my brother had just called her to say that they were "calling in the doctor". I presume that means it's time to push, and I know even at this point, it can sometimes still take hours, but it's getting so close! The thought that any minute they could be holding their baby is just too incredible. And on that note, I'm going to click "publish" before I start to cry again.

another poll!

2007-12-05T20:24:00.000-09:00

This is my living room. I've been desperate for a new coffee table for over a year now and even though I haven't been able to commit to one, I know it will be round. It used to be for purely asthetic reasons, but now it's also for safety! I can't be having all those sharp edges with a kid in the house, now can I?!

I had envisioned something like this little beauty, but after much thought, I'm just not sure it will go with my existing furniture. My couch & chair are in the beige/camel family, and my entertainment center is a cream/sagey green treatment. I love cottage style decorating & have been slowly moving towards that direction, but I also love a warm look, and I think it's tricky to achieve both.

My other dilemma with a pedestal table is that I'm used to having the underneath part of my coffee table. And where else would I put my many, many magazines? And when the baby comes, where will I put the basket of toys? On the flipside, maybe the pedestal without the underneath part might make my teeny tiny living room less crowded?

My other option is something like this. A nice wood table with an underneath part to collect all my crap. It's a little rustic, which is also appealing to my I-want-to-live-in-a-farmhouse-in-Vermont side.

So these are my two options, and I need you lovely ladies to help me decide! One, two, three, go!

weekend getaway

2007-12-05T10:37:00.000-09:00

Adam & I spent last weekend in Anchorage, which is north of Juneau, but I believe it is considered “south central” Alaska. At a population of approximately 279,000, it is by far the most populated city in the state. (Compare to Juneau with a population of about 35,000).

Friday night we had an early dinner at a restaurant near our hotel called the Glacier Brewhouse. They had several IPAs on tap, (Adam’s favorite beer) so he was thrilled. For a moment, I thought maybe I ought to leave he & the waiter alone to discuss the virtures of the perfect IPA. The meal itself was so not worth the $75 tab, but I figured ~ what the hell, we're on vacation. I even commented to Adam that baby-brain hadn't totally kicked in, as I was still able to calculate the tip. Leaving the correct amount of money, however, was another matter. Instead of pulling out 4 twenties and a ten, I only left 3 twenties and a ten, causing the waiter to chase us down the street to collect the rest of his money. Whoops. We stayed in the rest of the night & watched Oceans 13 on pay-per-view, which was a good movie, but we did have a hard time following it. FYI, if you ever watch Oceans 13, pay very close attention in the beginning or you’ll be lost for the rest of the movie.

We stayed in bed pretty much all day Saturday, which was really, really nice. The anxiety of everything I should be doing while I was lounging in bed would prevent me from ever doing that at home. Whatever happened to the good ‘ol days with nothing but pure relaxation & lounging about watching sappy movies on the Lifetime Network? Responsibility, that’s what. And sometimes it really stinks.

We did eventually leave our hotel room to walk down to the 5th Avenue Mall, which normally would have been heaven. You ladies in the lower 48 probably don’t understand what a thrill it can be to be in a MALL. Where they have clothes. That you can TRY ON before buying them. In Juneau, we rely heavily on internet shopping & then have to deal with the hassle of returns when things don’t fit.

Sadly, that particular Gap didn't carry maternity clothes, so my only option was the Motherhood Maternity store. It was strategically placed next to the kid's clothing stores, like they purposefully put us as far away as possible from all the "hip" shops. Hmmph is what I have to say to that! The only thing I bought was a pair of jeans and some new “maternity” bikini underwear, as mine are getting awfully tight in the hips. (By the way, when I got my new underwear home & opened up the package & saw how big they were, I thought there was no possible way those were going to fit me. Imagine my horror when they did! Yet another shocking pregnancy moment) Anyway, after being thwarted & obviously not cool enough to shop in this mall, I wasn't really in the mood for shopping. Not even the sight of the Coach store could cheer me up. Honey was a trooper, though, and didn’t complain once about being dragged around from shop to shop. So, it was back to the hotel for another nap before my holiday party.

The holiday party? Not so much fun when you only know 5 out of 67 people, and you can't even have a glass of wine. All the ladies were in gorgeous party dresses. In nice pants & a top, I just felt like I looked fat & not pregnant. Even Honey in his suit was dressier than me! Don’t we look cute in this photo, though? (taken in our hotel room after the party, using the camera’s timer) Oh, and the gift I won at the exchange? A gift set of Crown Royal, complete with tacky etched glasses. I would have traded for something else, but I figured if I kept the Crown, at least that would save us some cash at our next trip to Costco. We left pretty much right after the gift exchange, and I think we were asleep by 10:00 or 10:30 at the very latest, once again proving how very uncool I am.

Sunday we rented a car & drove south to Girdwood and the Alyeska resort, and a bit further south to Portage Glacier. You can't actually drive to the glacier like you can at the Mendenhall here in Juneau, but it was gorgeous scenery just the same. The mountains dwarf ours; it would be like having the Chilkats in our backyard. I realize this doesn’t mean much to anyone who hasn’t been to Juneau or seen the Chilkats, but they are a large mountain range waaaaay off in the distance.

We had dinner with our friends Sherrie & Ryan; glacier guides that used to come down for the summers & work at Temsco with Adam. They took us to one of their favorite spots, the Moose’s Tooth, which was on Carrie’s restaurant recommendations in the comments a couple posts back. The pizza was de-lish, as were our side salads. And at $49 for dinner for 4, it was much better priced than the Glacier Brewhouse!

We arrived back at Thrify Car Rental just as the girl was closing up shop. Adam & I both swear that the sign on the door said they closed at 8:00, not 6:00, but whatever. About one second before I was about to totally lose it, she said we could just return the car at the airport, and luckily the airport was easy to get to from where we were. I was worried we were cutting our time short, but by the time we checked in, we had nearly 45 minutes before boarding. I've gotten very anxious about flying & having enough time at the airport in my old age. I used to be the queen of getting there “just in time” & was perfectly okay with it, but now I need to be there in plenty of time “just in case”.

My friend & former co-worker Mikaela was on our flight, with her one-year old Elijah. While we were chatting on the plane as people were boarding, Elijah reached out for me to hold him, and then proceeded to snuggle into my chest. Talk about cute! Mikaela used to bring him into work, but I haven’t seen him for a couple of months so I was surprised that I was still familiar to him. Or maybe he’d also reach out to a total stranger.

We arrived back in Juneau to the bitter cold, and trust me, it’s no easier for us to handle than it would be for you Southerners! It's always good to come home, but even nicer when your mom brings you over leftovers & fruit because she knew you wouldn't have any food in the house!

After spending the weekend at my mom & Mike’s house, Porter seemed very relieved to be back home, and equally relieved that Adam & I hadn't abandoned him. He smothered us with kisses in the car ride home, but once home, he crashed out like he hadn't had a good night's sleep in days. It was as though he could finally relax ~ his people were home, he had his chair to curl up in, and life was good. Don’t get me wrong, he adores going to my mom & Mike’s and loves to play with their dog Sadie, but there always comes that time in the day where he's ready to be home. Just like his mama.

why Doodles doesn't get a walk tonight

2007-12-03T19:18:00.001-09:00

I know, I know, I live in Alaska, right? But this sort of crazy-low temperature is not normal for Juneau. Add to that 60 mph winds, and Doodles can just forget about getting a walk tonight.

holiday poll

2007-12-03T13:09:00.000-09:00

I've started writing a post all about the wonder that is the Christmas season, but for now, I'm just going to post this little poll: I'm curious what are your favorite holiday movies & albums. Every year, I try to purchase a new movie or two, and perhaps a new cd, but I'm running out of options! I've got all the old standbys, & am starting to branch out into some random titles.

Some of my favorite holiday movies aren't necessarily "Christmas" movies, but may just be set around the holiday, like The Family Stone. Now, if you have not see this movie, I insist that you do. I love it more & more each time I watch it. I don't think I own another movie that evokes so many emotions. I started out hating Diane Keaton (like it's even possible to hate Diane Keaton!), to realizing she just loves her kids with all her heart, and that sometimes parents really do know best. Okay, I'm not going to say anymore; you just have to see it for yourself.

Also in my collection is A Christmas Story, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, which I usually watch at least one other time throughout the year, It's a Wonderful Life, The Holiday and a couple other random movies that I've bought from Amazon but can't remember their titles. I also love Home Alone, which I don't own, and I'm sure I have others but am drawing a complete blank.

What are your favorite movies? Maybe they're just movies you associate with the holiday season, like Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail?

And the holiday music ~ the stuff that makes me happy just thinking about it! At the top of my list are Harry Connick's two albums, but my favorite is When my Heart Finds Christmas. Putting aside that it's Harry Connick & he's just plain dreamy, that album has both an orchestral & a jazzy quality that I love. The best song is I Pray on Christmas, which to listen to properly, must be turned up very loud. There are certain songs that move me to tears or produce goosebumps, and this is one of those songs. It makes me rethink my attitude about Christmas & life in general whenever I hear it. When Adam reads this, he's going to think I'm nuts, but I don't care.

I also love Christmas with the Rat Pack, the Time Life Treasury Collection, Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Trans Siberian Orchestra, Manheim Steamroller, and one of my new favorites is Ray Charles' Christmas album. (most of these have been purchased on Amazon) The Ray Charles album has the song that plays in the part in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when Clark gets stuck in the attic & is watching old family movies ~ you know that part? And it also has the version of (I think it was) Jingle Bells from When Harry Met Sally, where Sally is trying to pick out a Christmas tree and Harry watches on in frustration. (PS, that would be the equivalent of me trying to pick out just the right tree while Adam is hoping that this one is the right one, and we won't have to make another trek up & down the isles of trees) Anyway, I know I have other Christmas albums but since I don't have them in front of me, I can't list them all.

I'd love to hear what your favorites; the things that you can't go without watching every year, or the album you look forward to listening to first. And by the way, am I the only one who loves the "24 hours of a Christmas Story" that they play on TV every year?

8 random things about me

2007-11-29T13:02:00.000-09:00

My mom tagged me to write 8 random things about me so here goes!

1. I like to put chips in my sandwiches. Not sure when it first seemed like a good idea, but it's something I never really outgrew. The weirdest thing I used to eat as a kid? Boloney & sugar. How gross is that?!

2. I must have the shower curtain closed, as well as all drawers & the hall closet doors. I know this isn't really so odd, except that when you have a husband who is constantly leaving drawers open, it's an ongoing battle. What bugs me the most is the shower curtain, though. If I don't close it right away, I can feel that open space just staring at me.

3. Except for driving through Canada on two seperate road trips to the lower 48, I've never left the country. No Mexico for spring break, no romantic trips to Europe with Honey. Someday.....
Oh wait! I just remembered! We went to Nassau in the Bahamas for our honeymoon! I didn't need a passport ~ does that technically count?

4. I love, love, love Audrey Hepburn. I can still remember the first time I watched Breakfast at Tiffanys, and how much in awe I was of her beauty & grace. I think that she was a kind person in real life solidifed how much I adored her. I think I've seen most everything she's been in, but Breakfast will always remain my favorite. Honey bought me "How to be Lovely" last year for Christmas; we could all learn a thing or two from Miss Hepburn.

5. I am very competetive, but hate sports. Bucky teases me about how pissed off I get when he plays dirty at Uno. I know, I know, you're supposed to play all those nasty Reverse & Draw 4 cards, but I can't help taking it personally!

6. I am both a planner & a procrastinator. How is that possible, you ask? I make lists. Lots & lots of lists, and I plan ahead for things that I know have deadlines. And yet, I'm still always waiting until the last minute to finish them. Even in college, I was forever writing my papers up the last possible moment. There's just always so much to do and never enough time, you know?

7. I'm not quite as picky about how things go into the grocery cart (although I do start at the back & work forward for obvious reasons) but I HAVE to place my items on the conveyor belt according to type. Fruit & vegetables, frozen, cold-case, canned or boxed, meats, personal hygiene, miscellaneous. My reason for this is that the baggers generally don't know how to bag my groceries properly. They'll toss canned green beans right on top of my caged-free eggs! Or ground beef on top of apples! So, I try to help them out & make it fool-proof. It helps my anxiety by not feeling the need to correct them. It's really a good system! Even better? Honey has now adopted my system and will also group our groceries on the conveyer belt. I am a proud wife.

8. I hope that our baby gets Adam's sense of balance & coordination. Physically, he's good at everything, and I am, arguably, the most uncoordinated person on the planet. I've never been comfortable in my own body, and I will never be one of those willowy women who saunter down the sidewalk while men look on. Actually, you can generally see me staring at the sidewalk so as to not trip on a crack or step in dog-poo. Classy, huh?

So that's it. Eight things you didn't know about me.

Adam & I are heading north to Anchorage this weekend for my office's holiday party. The company pays for airfare & one night at the hotel, so we just have to pay for the second night & we get ourselves a mini vacation! I've not been to Anchorage in years, and Adam's never been. I believe our hotel is right downtown, so we'll be able to walk to restaurants & shopping. Or maybe we'll be taking taxis: I checked the weather forecast this morning and the high temp is forecasted to be around 26 degrees with lows in the teens. Brrrrr.

Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving :)

sometimes, I'm just that stupid

2007-11-19T19:23:00.000-09:00

A few months back, my bathtub drain was clogged. The problem was quickly resolved with a bottle of Drano. Within that same week, we gave Porter a bath, which is an entirely different, and much more amusing story, and my bathtub drain became clogged once again. Ever since, I have been calf-deep in bath water everytime I take a shower. Forget about taking a long, leisurely shower on the weekends, because my bathtub would have overflowed. I have spent close to $50 on various drain-unclogging products, all to no avail.

This weekend, Honey went into the crawl-space to take apart the pipes and remove the source of the problem. I just hoped he wasn't going to show me whatever he found. He came back from under the house only to announce that the plastic pvc piping was glued tight. Having to hire a plumber simply to unclog a drain was so not on my list of things to do. My anxiety level was already running high because I had finally gotten the last of the body work done on my car from my accident last spring and my car was still making noises it ought not be making. These are things that Tracy-on-Zoloft could handle. Tracy without Zoloft, not so much. I don't do well with things like this ~ multiple things happening at once, things that are out of my control although easily solved with a simple phonecall to a professional. They just seem so out of my reach, you know? I'd rather curl up in my chair and not attempt to find a solution.

Honey, on the other hand, in a uncharacteristic moment (he usually gives up, too), took the one wire hangar I had; one from the dry cleaners with the felt covering it to protect our fine garments, and shoved it down the bathtub drain to loosen the massive hair glob. Except that he couldn't. The hanger would only go so far before it stopped against something metallic. It was at this point that he called me into the bathroom.

Honey, have you tried putting the drain stopper down?

Of course, I'm thinking, no, I did not try putting the drain stopper down. I was so stunned at my stupidity, however, I literally couldn't say anything. I could have been stubborn, I could have been indignant & said I never put the drain stopper up, because I hadn't. Instead, I just stood there & grinned like an idiot. And was thankful as hell we hadn't gone through the humiliation of calling a plumber.

More importantly, I love that Honey can still surprise me. Yes, it was a simple fix, but like I said, he normally would have given up, too. It's like now that I'm unable to deal with certain things, he has realized that we have to have at least one person our household that can cope, and for that I'm very appreciative.

2007-11-13T19:14:00.000-09:00

Oh, let's see....what's been going on.....

Friday night Honey & I attended a banquet & auction for S.A.I.L., a non-profit providing assistance for people with disabilities. I used to work for them & still volunteer for occasionally at their fundraising events. Anyway, I had a couple dresses that were a little too big that I thought I would have no trouble fitting into. HA! Shocking that I was surprised that an extra 15 pounds makes that big of a difference, isn't it? Ummm, yeah....

So I squeezed into the lesser of the tighter two dresses, and with my favorite black sweater from Anthropologie, it didn't look too bad. Plus, have I mentioned (this week) that I have cleavage now?

We arrived at the banquet, were shown to our table, sat & visited with some friends for a minute, and since we arrived 30 minutes late, we got there just in time for dinner being served. Being pregnant & starving, I waited only an obligatory minute or so before we made our way to the fast-forming buffet line. And here's where I experienced another pregnancy-first: when I stood up, my tights rolled down my belly like a little old lady with knee-high stockings rolled down at the top, you know?

I'm sure there will be many more pregnancy-firsts, but this one took me by surprise.

And here's your token cute-pet photo. Adam fell asleep on the couch Sunday night with the cats. That would be Riley-cat on Adam's belly, and the fat, black blob on the cushion is Mendy. Porter couldn't leave them be & had to come for some kitty-lovin'. He was actually being quite gentle with Riley. He so wants to play with the cats but hasn't figured out that he's too big & obnoxious for that to happen. They just look at him like, DUDE, what are you thinking?? We're small!!

I've been crafting a bit, but not nearly as much as I'd like. There's never enough time in the day, is there? This notebook was a custom order for my mom, and I just love the retro holiday paper. I wish I had bought more than 4 sheets of it. I think this is one of my favorite creations; there's nothing about it that I don't like. Usually I can pick apart my designs & find a flaw or two, but not with this one! I love that I finally used the tiny holly leaf buttons that I've had for a few years now. I'm trying really hard to be good & not buy loads of crafting supplies until I start using up what I have, but with so many cute things out there, it's not always easy! Please tell me I'm not alone in rationalizing not-necessary craft purchases.

Lastly, I've got a question for all the mamas out there. Next week, Honey & I have our next OB appointment. It's the one where they'd do the genetic testing, if we were inclined to do so. My feelings are to pass on the testing, that I have enough to worry about as it is without worrying about false-positives. I'd much prefer to go on believing my baby is perfectly healthy. Honey wants to do the testing because he used to work with disabled youths, and if our baby has anything wrong (I hate to even use that word) with it, he wants to know so we can be prepared. My mom has a cousin who has an autistic son, and that's the closest relative I have with any form of disabilities, mental or physically. Our doctor said that's far enough away from me that we don't really have anything to worry about. She said they also test for spina bifida, but I've been taking prenatal vitamins with folic acid since before I got pregnant, and I know that's supposed to be a big factor in preventing that.

So, I'm curious what your thoughts are. Did you have the testing done? Did any of you have false positives? Did you & your spouses disagree on whether or not to do the testing? Adam said if I don't want to have it done, we won't have it done, but I'm still considering it for his sake. I just really don't want to spend the next 6 months worrying about something else, you know?

what's grosser than gross? this story. do not read if you're squeamish.

2007-11-11T19:22:00.000-09:00

Saturday afternoon Adam took Porter on a walk before we went to dinner at my brother & Michelle's house. (This is not a cute story, so today he's "Porter", not "Doodles") When he got back home, he told me all about how Porter had found, and subsequently ate a dead bird. Since it was already dark out, Adam had no idea what he was in for when he tried to fish out of Porter's mouth whatever it was that Porter was eating. Even though he realized there were feathers dangling from Porter's mouth, he furthered tried to retrieve the dead bird from his jaws, because "he had already touched it at that point". EWWWWW! He finally gave up and Porter gulped it down.

But wait, it gets grosser than that.

Later, at Bucky & Michelle's house, Porter started to make pre-vomiting noises, and if any of you have pets, you know exactly what that sound is. Unfortunately, I had forgotten all about the dead-bird incident, so after Porter vomited, and I very foolishly looked over to see how bad it was, I saw a lump of brownish-black muck. Yes, Porter had vomited up his dead bird.

Michelle went running out of the room, I wasn't about to help Honey clean up that mess, and I think even Bucky had to leave the room, too. Now, I'm not overly squeamish, but I cannot deal with a dead bird and then the dead bird's return.

This morning, after I had forgotten all about the disgusting incident, Adam brought it up out of the blue. He shook his head in dismay and said ~ I can't believe you all are about to have children. Like he's not. Bucky & Michelle, by the way are due November 26th. I had to remind Honey that there is a difference between poopy diapers & baby spit-up and dead birds, and cleaning up dead bird vomit is where I draw the line.

I told you Porter would eat anything.

two totally random shots

2007-11-07T20:53:00.000-09:00

One day ages ago, when Porter still drank from his puppy water bowl & not from the toilet where he leaves drippings on the toilet seat for me to sit on when I go pee for the hundredth time that day (and before I painted all of our trim white), I noticed something floating in Porter's water dish and HORROR! It appeared as though we had not only developed a mouse problem, but we had a mouse suicide on our hands. But wait! It was just one of Riley-cat or Mendy's toys, and it went from THE WORST THING EVER to being really quite funny. And you know I had to take a picture of it.

This photo of Honey & I at our friend Brady & Colleen's wedding last June is here for purely vain purposes.

I'm feeling pale & frumpy & hate hate hate my current haircut, and don't we look cute & happy in this photo? So relaxed.

I am definitely growing my hair back out.

doodles will eat anything

2007-11-06T20:46:00.000-09:00

So in the spirit of getting back to blogging, which really is quite therapeutic for me, I'm going to try to post a little something everyday ~ even if it's just a photo. Or at the very least, I will try not post once a month :) My apologies in advance for those of you who don't think Doodles is as adorable as I do. Honey says it's the ears, but I think it's all in the eyes.

We have learned that Doodles will eat just about anything. Once he was begging for my mexican food, so I gave him a taste of salsa. He didn't care for it, but it also didn't teach him to not beg. Earlier in my pregnancy, I was having lemon cravings; couldn't get enough of lemons. One night, I even spent a ridiculous amount of money on fresh lemons to make lemonade. Lemonade that I had to hand-squeeze because I don't own a juicer but I HAD to have fresh squeezed lemonade. FYI, Doodles doesn't care for lemons, but man, was the look on his face priceless!

He does love fruit, though. Apples, which you can see him eating here, nectarines, peaches, satsuma oranges. We never ever feed him from the dinner table because that will only make the begging worse. It's bad enough that he rests his cute little head on the table & watches as we eat, his eyebrows raised & his sad eyes moving back & forth between Honey & I.

I gave him a Sweetart from leftover Halloween candy, and he loved that. Oh, and he used to eat his own poo when he was a puppy, but thank goodness he outgrew that. And he used to eat "almond roca" from the kitty litter, also when he was a tiny puppy. Magically, after we had him neutered, the poo-eating behavior stopped. Has anyone else experienced that?

Since I started my new job, the only thing I really miss about my old job is that I can't take Doodles to work with me. There is a dog in the office next door and he sometimes wanders in, which makes me happy but also makes me miss Doodles a little more. Instead, he gets to have fun at my mom & Mike's, aka Doggie Day Care, where he gets to play all day with their dog Sadie & my brother's dog Kona, who also goes to Doggie Day Care. I'm sure Doodles would be just fine if we left him home during the day, but he'd be bored out of his mind. As long as he behaves himself at my mom's & learns to not jump & down on their couch (I don't know where this behavior comes from!), I hope mom & Mike will continue to let him come over to play.

still here

2007-11-05T19:11:00.000-09:00

Hello, my dear internet friends. Honey googled me one day & finally found my blog. He reminded me that I haven't written since the 4th of October. He also said good job for not trashing him on the internet, and that in the future when I'm pissed at him, I should read my blog since I portray him in such good light. Indeed, Honey has been a prince during these last 2 months of hormone hell. At any rate, not only have I not written for at least a month, but I haven't even been reading about what all you fabulous people have been up to. I'm sure you've been creating your hearts out, have been preparing for the holiday season, and have dressed your kids up as various animals and cartoon characters. I'm sure one day soon, once I've closed a few loops (that was for Jerusalem's benefit), I'll sit & read for hours & smile at your lovely lives.

Anyway, catching up starting backwards, today we had our first snowfall of the sesaon. Normally, the first snowfall is mixed rain & snow, and lasts a very short while. But today it snowed all day, accumulating about 4 inches at our house. Doodles was pleased.

I also got my first issue of Victoria ~ horray! Well, not my first issue, of course, but you know what I mean. AND, Honey got his drivers license today! Yes, my 26 year old husband finally is licensed to drive. After moving here from California in 1999, he lived downtown & worked downtown. We have the same work schedule, so when we bought our house in the "valley", we drove into town together. And even though we don't talk much during our 15-20 minute commute (ha!), other than the occasional commentary on an NPR news tidbit, I really love that we have that time together. Anyway, Honey still maintains he does not want his license & that he only got it because I got pregnant & he had to. I don't care ~ he got his license, and you have no idea how big of a milestone this is in our lives. There are countless people who have hounded him on my behalf for years, and even though he says he's not happy he got his license, he was thinking of who he should call to tell. How cute is that?!

Weekend before last, I went to Seattle for a few days to see my girl Tanya. I was in such a bad state of mind that she & my sweet mama bought me a plane ticket to get the hell out of here & escape my life for a few days. Tanya & I stayed in a fancy hotel downtown, I got my haircut which I unforunately hate, I bought maternity clothes courtesy of my Aunt Georgia, ate orange beef at my most favorite Seattle restaurant, Shanghai Garden, had a really nice visit with Aunt Georgia, my cousin Tony, his wife Lisa & their precious little baby Lucas, and went to a spa. If you find yourself in Seattle, I highly recommend a day at Ummelina's. The smells alone are worth it. Mmmm, lavender....

We got manicures & massages, and while we waited for our treatments, we got a foot soak. The manicure was like a massage in itself. I was lying down, & before actually doing my nails, she massaged my arms & hands. I slipped into a relaxed state of being that rarely happens. Even my massage, as lovely as it was, wasn't as relaxing as my manicure.

I'm now at about 13 weeks, 14 weeks if you go by my date of conception & not by the ultrasound measurements. This photo is at 11 (12) weeks. I've been taking self-portraits, so I'm a little twisted. My belly has grown considerably, especially after a big dinner. It actually looks small to me in this photo. I still fight the urge to suck it in, but mostly I'm like, why bother? I had been squishing myself into jeans that I could barely squish myself into, fastening them closed with a rubberband. Honey would say to me, ummm, your zipper's down. I would respond with MY ZIPPER DOESN'T GO UP ANY FARTHER! It felt really comfortable to finally have some maternity jeans & let it all hang out.

More importantly, my hormones have finally leveled out. And can I just say, THANK GOD. The past two months I've been in the worst kind of hell. I was so completely miserable and I honestly didn't think I would survive my pregnancy. I have decided that if I'm on anti-anxiety/depression meds again, and if we ever get pregnant again, I cannot go off them until the 2nd trimester. I am not equipped to handle the hormonal changes, and it's not fair to Honey to put him through that again, either. The weird thing is, even though this was all in the very recent past, it's hard to remember just how badly I felt. And there really aren't words, anyway. I'm thankful now that I can start to enjoy my pregnancy, whereas as recently as 3 weeks ago, it was merely something that was destroying my life & my sanity. At the time, the only positive I could think of was that I had cleavage for the first time in my life. It pained me that I was so unhappy about what was supposed to be the most beautiful thing I'd ever experience. And even worse, there was a teensy part of me that didn't want to be pregnant & knowing that if I did miscarry, I'd never have the strength to do this again. Intellectually, I knew I was incredibly lucky to be pregnant, especially when there are so many women who are desperate for a child & can't conceive. I would see a husband & wife with a baby & I'd know I wanted that, & that's what got me through the craziness. That and my amazing husband, family & friends. Now, I know I'll be okay.

My other huge news is that I finally quit my job! I had interviewed with, and subsequently received a job offer from a CPA firm & started work November 1st. While my anxiety hasn't completely subsided, it's really nice to go to work & know that I will be treated with respect. My previous boss was so demotivating that my work had begun to suffer for it, which wasn't fair to myself or to my boss. I don't believe I performed badly on purpose; I still did good work, just not great work & I was certainly not working to my full potential. I had long since given up trying to make any changes for the better. It was a big job for one person, and truthfully, a lot for me to keep track of & to keep on top of everything all the time. It didn't help that my boss would want to change things around, requiring me to re-do 9 months of inventory adjustments. With that kind of mentality, I know I should have quit a long time ago, but fear of working somewhere even worse (and the fact that I was well-paid) kept me there for far too long. But, I'm gone now & I can't help but wonder what the hell took me so long.

Well, we did indeed have a bear in our neighborhood....can you see her? I didn't crop or zoom because I wanted you to see just how close this little cutie was. I was across the street, and the bear was at the end of the very short cul-de-sac. All in all, pretty damn close. This time of year they lurk around neighborhoods in search of food, and have even been known to come inside of apartment buildings & homes. Bet you're not used to hearing that on your morning news!

Lastly, I leave you with some photos of beautiful Juneau & the Mendenhall Glacier. This, this beauty is the reason why I continue to live here, where we get 180 inches of rain a year.

Doodles gets so freakin' happy when we take him to the Glacier, he can hardly contain himself. I swear, as he's running around the lake & through the shrubbery, he gets a look on his face that can only say ~ They really do love me! Oddly, that dog will avoid a muddle **edited ** MUD PUDDLE! like the plague, but give him a glacial lake, and he's all over it.

preparing me for motherhood

2007-10-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

Normally, Porter, aka Doodles, will sleep in my comfy chair. A big chair-and-a-half with an equally large ottoman. I wake up in the morning, and invariably, he's asleep in my chair. Which is fine. Because he's asleep & not bothering me. And he's never been one to sleep in our bed. He'll take a little time-out in mom & Mike's bed, but he rarely sleeps in ours. Although, there was that one time we couldn't find him and he was in our bed, surrounded by a pile of clean laundry, with a pair of my underwear wrapped around his neck. Not quite sure how he managed that, but whatever.

Then last night I heard him click-clicking down the hallway (I am a very light sleeper when it comes to pets causing a raucous in the middle of the night) & I fully expected him to nudge his nose into my face to be let out. Instead, he plopped down on the floor at the foot of the bed. So I go back to sleep. Until he decides to hop into bed. And do circles until he finds just the right spot. But, wait! It's not the right spot! So he must get up, do some more circles, and then plop down again. And these aren't dainty little plops, mind you. And then get up, do some more circles, and then lay down halfway across my body with his back-end way too close to my head.

And then our bed clearly wasn't good enough for him, feather bed & all, because he got up & continued to pace back & forth from our room to the living room FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. Click-click, click-click, click-click. Needless to say, I did not get a good nights sleep. I wish I knew why our perfectly good furniture is all of a sudden not good enough for our DOG to sleep in.

Oh, Doodles, it's a good thing you're so damn cute.....

PS ~ Adam & I both told our co-workers about Porter's strange activity, and consensus seems to be that we had a bear in our yard.

a thank you

2007-10-02T08:41:00.001-08:00

If I had a lovely picture that expresses my gratitude, I would, but I'm at work & just really wanted to get this out ~ THANK YOU! Thank you to my mom, to Jerusalem, to Jeanetta, to Melissa for all your encouragement & support. And to Tanya, who was on the phone with me for 2 hours last night while she talked me down from my metaphorical ledge. She saved me, and helped me to see things in a new perspective. I feel like I am seeing more clearly today than I have in a long time, or at least since I became pregnant. There's no way I could get through this without the help of my wonderful friends ~ even Melissa, who may be a total stranger, but who has been so sweet with her comments. While I don't want to be a drain on my family & friends, it's nice to know that when I need help, all I have to do is ask.

finally some good news

2007-10-01T13:14:00.001-08:00

I've not been posting much because frankly, I've been feeling pretty crummy emotionally & didn't want to throw my bad vibes out into the world. Not that all of you wonderful ladies wouldn't be completely understanding, but still. Aside from my ultrasound last week, which I still need to post about, nothing, and I mean nothing, is going right in my life. It's so sad that I can't even be happy about this pregnancy. I even say "this pregnancy", like I haven't claimed it as my own. I don't care about planning, I don't care about nesting, I'm doing what I have to do & that's about it. Very unlike me. But today, something good happened.

In 2000, I had unofficially graduated college with my Bachelors in Business Administration with an Accounting emphasis. I was supposed to, and fully intended to, finish up my last two classes that summer. Can you tell where I'm going with this? Six years later, Adam & I were at a going away party for our friend Kenn, who was setting out to ride his bicycle across the country ~ from Alaska to New England. At his party, he asked what all of our goals were for the upcoming year. Mine was to finish up those last 2 classes. It had been such a burden to me; my parents had rightfully assumed I had finished so I felt like a total liar & a fraud for all those years. Caught in my lie, I had fessed up to my mom, who then encouraged me for the next couple years to finish what I had started. I had spent several hundred dollars over the years on correspondence classes, but didn't have the motivation to do them.

After saying my goal out loud to Kenn, and determined to actually complete a goal I had set for myself, I registered for Statistics that Fall Semester, and then a Human Resources class in the Spring. That year, school took over my life. Not counting my actual class time 3 days a week, I had reading & studying to do 4 out of 5 weeknights. It seemed I always had a book on my lap. But, I finished them, and with strong grades. Satisfied with myself, I put off putting in my graduation application until the next fall, where I learned 2 things: 1. that in order to apply for graduation, I had to be enrolled in at least one class, and that 2. since I had been out of school for more than 2 years, I had reverted to the current course catalog which now meant I had several more classes to take to satisfy my degree requirements. As if my 123 credit hours weren't enough!

Again, I put off taking care of my business until now. I printed off a petition form from the university's website, and sent an e-mail to my advisor (not my original advisor, the one assigned to me during that last year) kindly requesting that he write a letter on my behalf since he neglected to perform a degree audit for me knowing that I was of the belief that these were my last 2 classes I needed to graduate. That was last week, and I was starting to get a bit miffed that I hadn't heard back from him. Today, just moments ago, he called saying he performed a degree audit, & that with my 123 credits, I had satisfied my degree requirements under my original course catalog. He was sending my paperwork "upstairs", so now my only hurdle is whether or not I'll have to take one more class in order to actually submit my graduation application. If so, they offer 1 credit computer courses that only run for 5 weeks or so instead of the whole semester, and I think I can stomach that. Not that I'd be happy about it, but it's my own fault for not submitting my graduation application on time.

So, while not as monumental as my baby's first photo, it's a pretty huge deal to me. And hopefully, within the next few months, I'll finally have that piece of paper that proves I worked my ass off for 5 years.

a weekend outdoors

2007-09-30T18:17:00.000-08:00

Aside from lots of crafting, Honey & I also took Doodles on some good dog walks. I'm trying to remind myself that it's important to stay active, even if it's just taking Doodles out, but the weather has been so miserable it's hard to summons the motivation to do so. Juneau is known for rain ~ lots & lots of rain ~ and we really get dumped on this time of year. This weekend was perfect weather for getting out, though.

These are some photos of the Mendenhall Glacier, as taken from the West Glacier Trail. Honey is a glacier guide on the weekends during the summer, and has spent thousands of hours up there over the past 7 years. It really is the most amazing place to be. If you ever take a trip to Alaska & have the opportunity to take a helicopter glacirt tour, I highly recommend it. It ain't cheap, but so worth it. Imagine miles & miles of ice as far as the eye can see. Photos from the ground can't even beigin to do it justice, you'll just have to take my word for it. Or maybe someday I'll post photos that I've taken while on the glacier. Even then, nothing can compare to seeing it for yourself.

Mt. McGinnis, which soon will be covered with snow. And then, as Honey says, it's all over. Winter is here.

Was Doodles tired after his romp at the glacier? I think so! That dog finds the silliest places to rest his head.

Today we walked along the Mendenhall wetlands; another great viewing spot of the glacier. Honey & I live at the base of the mountain on the right; Thunder Mountain which will soon also be covered in snow.

Baffling how & why there is a railway car out there. We have no trains, nor have we ever had any trains. We don't even have a ROAD into Juneau, let alone trains! Just fascinating!

You should have seen how many tries it took Doodles to get up that log. Needless to say, he doesn't have the greatest balance. He must get that from me.

So this is Juneau in the fall. More grey than shades of orange & red, but we take what we can get!

twinkle lights

2007-09-25T09:13:00.000-08:00

You know that line in You've Got Mail, where Kathleen Kelly's shop is having trouble after the big-bad Fox Books opens up? Business is down, but it's approaching the holidays, so Kathleen announces that all will be fine, but "in the meantime, I'm putting up more twinkle lights." As if twinkle lights were the answer to everything. I so wish it were true.

Today, not unlike most days lately, I'm in a funk. Today, however, it's not pregnancy related. I'm not frustrated with not feeling normal, not frustrated with my husband, and most importantly, I feel loved by my family & friends.

Today, like most days, I am frustrated with work. The only word that comes to mind when I think of how I feel about being here is miserable. It's unfortunate, because the company itself is pretty cool, I work with some really great people who have been nothing but wonderful to me, and I do love accounting.

What's to hate, you ask? I don't want to go into detail because it won't serve any purpose except to frustrate me more, but lets just say I feel there are many similarities between my work environment & Heather's previous job & what she had written about her boss. It's reached the point where I don't even care if I get fired for anything I might say or do. Except that I'm pregnant & need my salary & my health insurance, so I guess I do care on some level.

Do you have any idea how much it SUCKS to feel stuck in your current situation, to loath going to work, to feel that your opinions means absolutely nothing to your boss, to be made to feel as if your work is worthless, to put up with the pit of anxiety in your belly? I'm sure some of you do, but reading your blogs makes me so envious of all of you who are pursuing your dreams & passions.

There are some fine points to my job. I get to bring my dog Porter (aka Doodles) to work, my schedule is fairly flexible if need be, and my co-workers Mary & James have been really amazing friends to me. In the 3-plus years that I've been here, there have been 4 babies born, 3 of whom came back to work with their mamas. I know I'm lucky that I have that option when it's my turn, but trust me when I tell you, it's not worth sacrificing my happiness. I hate to think what my anxiety is doing to my little baby. He/she (we haven't come up with a clever nickname yet) certainly doesn't deserve a mama who is unhappy.

I have begun to take steps to alleviate this particular stress in my life, so please, think good thoughts for me. I know you are all where you are because you worked very hard to get there, and I know I can get there, too. In the meantime, I'm listening (still) to my Sleepless in Seattle soundrack, because it has the ability to calm me down so I can at least focus on what I need to get done. I really don't know what it is about that particular music, or the movie itself, but it's kind of magical, don't you think?

Tomorrow is our first OB appointment ~ I finally get to hear the heartbeat!

not quite sure

2007-09-21T09:04:00.000-08:00

I don't ever know about these quizzes, and this one certainly did not pinpoint who I am. I can be impulsive, but I can also be very practical. I am definitely impatient. But a captivating singing voice? I don't think so. Plus, and I'm sorry Jerusalem, but I don't believe I've seen a single Jane Austin movie, so I can't say as whether Marianne is me or not. It also goes without saying, then, that I've also never read a single Jane Austin novel. Maybe I ought to put that on my list of things to do.

Take the Quiz here!

:: M A R I A N N E ::

You are Marianne Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are impulsive, romantic, impatient, and perhaps a little to vocal in your honesty. You enjoy romantic poetry and novels, and play the pianoforte beautifully. To boot, your singing voice is captivating. You feel deeply, and love passionately.

fall transitions

2007-09-19T16:13:00.001-08:00

I love fall. Almost as much as I crave the sun after a long winter, I also crave crisp days, leaves changing colors (as much as they can around here in the land of evergreens), pumpkin-spice candles, lazy Sundays watching movies, and cooking. Honey actually does most of the cooking in our household, but last night I was craving scalloped potatoes. And since we bought a 10 pound bag of potatoes at Wal-Mart for $2.00 ($2.00!!) this weekend, scalloped potatoes were definitely in order. I do love them, but it takes sooo long to cook, which is why I don't make them very often. My co-workers Mary & James both pre-cook their potatoes, and duh, why had I never thought of that?

Fall & Winter are also the time of year for baking. I have already made a batch of party mix, a family tradition every Christmas-time. I usually get a hankering for them about now, so will usually make a double-batch now, and one again in December. Mom wrote a post recently about traditions, and party mix is one of my favorites. If you are interested in the best recipe ever, here it is:

16 cups cereal (rice chex, corn chex, wheat chex, Cherios, & pretzels)
2 cups nuts
1 cup butter or margarine (I have always used Nucoa brand margarine, because that's what my mom always used)
1 Tbs Worcestershire Sauce
1 Tsp salt
1 Tsp garlic powder

(I think that's right; it's from memory.)

In a large roasting pan, melt the butter & mix in Worcestershire Sauce, salt & garlic. Mix well before adding your cereal, pretzels & nuts. Stir until everything is coated. Or not so well if you want some clumps ;)

Bake at 250 degrees for 45 minutes, stirring every 15.
It is a must to taste-test at each stirring interval. And don't ask me why, but my favorite beverage with party mix is orange juice. It's just my tradition.

Always make a double batch because it never lasts long, especially when you share with your loved ones. On a side note, Bucky (my brother) & I love the "clumps", the bits of cereal that don't fully separate. They just have extra flavor. Well, we never told Honey about the "clumps" because we're mean & selfish that way, and when he finally found out about them, he for-shamed us for keeping it a secret so long! Ooops. Who said marriage is all about sharing.

During Christmas, I always make several varieties of cookies as well. Sugar cookies are by far my favorite. Mom, avert your eyes now, but I bought a pre-packaged bag of sugar cookie dough yesterday. I know, I was horrified that I did it, but Michelle made some a couple weeks back, and they were so good! It was a total impulse buy, and I never, ever buy pre-packaged stuff like that. Well, except for cakes & brownies, but NEVER cookies! What is my world coming to? I just wanted cookies, and I wanted them now!

My taste in music also slows down a bit in the fall. I've been listening to the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack for days now, and I never grow tired of it. This time of year, I'm all about Louis Armstrong, Harry Connick Jr., Frank Sinatra or any one of those fine fellas, Ella Fitzgerald & Billie Holiday, of course my Williams Sonoma The Last Time I Saw Paris cd, any of my Pottery Barn Dinner & Cocktail cd's ~ really, anything that is slow, romantic, and evokes that hard-to-describe feeling that music is so good at doing. The other night Bucky & Michelle were over for dinner & we listened to Simon & Garfunkle circa "Mrs. Robinson", and that was just perfect for how I was feeling that evening. What is it about "The Sound of Silence", anyway? It just does something to me.

Oh, gosh, I really should be getting back to work. I get so tired by mid-afternoon it's hard to concentrate, and it just gets worse as the week goes on. Come winter when it's dark by 3:00 pm, it's going to be especially brutal. Although, don't they say you get a crazy burst on energy in your second trimester? At least that's something to look forward to, besides hemorrhoids & flatulence!

a little glimpse

2007-09-13T19:22:00.000-08:00

I don't much have the energy to write about everything I want to write about, so here's some photos instead. And PS, is anyone else's blogger behaving oddly? Links show up as code, as do photos. Weird.

Harvest banner from Miss Jerusalem

Lovely sign made by Miss Jeanetta. My Aunt Georgia framed the tiny quilt for me. She's really good at giving me family items that she knows I'll love.

View from my comfy chair tonight.

Brought out my favorite fall candles, a wedding gift from Michelle & her family.

Riley-Cat & Mendy staying warm. This was actually the first time I've seen them both laying on the cable box. Mendy is named after the Mendenhall Glacier, where Honey is a guide on the weekends.

And there you have it. Some of my favorite things.

tarred!

2007-09-11T13:44:00.001-08:00

No, that's not Southern for "tired"!

Not that I'm complaining about it being sunny, because really I'm not, but my office is stifling. It's one of those perfectly sunny pre-fall days (quite the opposite of what Miss Jeru is experiencing) where it's not too hot & not too breezy, and I'm forced to keep my damn window closed. Why, you ask? Because my office building is getting its roof tarred, and the fumes are noxious. (is that a word?) I tell you, this is every pregnant woman's dream. My boss did say that if the smell got too bad, that I should leave. Hmmm, I think I'm feeling a little whoozy....

I had a wonderful lunch at El Sombrero with my friend & former co-worker, Shon. She's scheduled for a c-section next Thursday, and she looks so good. Pregnancy certainly agrees with her. This is her second baby, and since Scotty was an emergency c-section, this baby had to be a c-section also. I never knew that in Juneau, once a c-section, always a c-section because we don't have the medical staffing to handle potential complications of a vaginal birth after having a c-section. I am learning so much.

As of today, morning sickness has officially kicked in. Yesterday I felt positively green up until about 2:00, but this morning I woke up feeling considerably better. Until I was finishing getting dressed, and uttered Oh no! The 2 Italian plums I had eaten made their way back up, and I've felt pretty good since then. Maybe that's the worse it'll be. I can hear ya'll saying ~ Honey, you're fooling yourself!, but really, maybe I'm just that lucky.

But the plums, I love. They remind me of my grandparent's house in Oak Grove, Oregon, where they had trees of them & I would eat them until I gave myself a belly ache. If we came to visit when the plums were out of season and had already fallen from the trees, I would be so disappointed. I probably even ate them right off the ground. I miss my grandparents, but I do believe they're watching over us all & would be so thrilled to know that both my brother & I are having a baby & that we are happy in life.

Tonight we're having turkey dinner at my mom & Mike's, and then we're off to the African Children's Choir. Busy day for Tracy!

African Children's Choir

2007-09-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow night, Honey & I are going to see the African Children's Choir perform. They had a piece about them on NPR this morning, and I knew this was something I had to see. I have always been quite emotional, about lots of things really, but when I hear music that is so pure & beautiful, it makes me cry. I just can't help it. I've even been known to cry when the marching band plays in our 4th of July parade. Of course, I hide my face from Honey because he just doesn't understand such things. I love him dearly, but emotional, he's not.

These beautiful children, who have lost their parents from illness & war, are traveling the world to spread joy to others, and we are lucky enough to have them perform in our little town.

say it isn't so!

2007-09-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

Since my family knows, and my closest friends know, and my boss knows, I may as well tell the whole wide world: Honey & I are having a baby!

I'm only about 5 weeks, so we should be having a May Baby. Hopefully I will survive this fabulous stage of raging hormones, and hopefully Honey doesn't leave me for a less crazy & weepy wife.

TG

Rome if you want to

2007-08-27T21:37:00.000-08:00

Finally a quiz that fits me!

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city soul with a small town heart
Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome
Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand
And gorgeous Italian people - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

take away my credit card!

2007-08-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

Despite my previous fears, I am surviving the Arkansas heat. All 98 degrees of it. I have been having the best time with Jerusalem and her sweet hubby Nathan, and I so wish we lived closer to one another. Even though we haven't seen each other since they came up for my wedding in 2003, it's as if not a day has passed. Funny how knowing someone for 20 years will do that! We've had talks on just about every conceivable topic, and her youngest son Miles told me he loved me yesterday. My heart melted & my uterus started twitching. It's really amazing to me how kids can be so open with their hearts.

I've also been in heaven with the sheer abundance of flea markets & antique stores, 2 things which are sorely lacking in Juneau. We have no flea markets, and we have one over-priced antique store. I've picked up some really great things ~ vintage European shams, blue ticking, hankies, tea towels, salt & pepper shakers, valentines, Pfaltzgraff bowls, a wall pocket for mom, a cigar box for my brother....

I had to have this lovely sign, hand painted by the fabulous Jeanetta.

Today we hit some craft/home decorating stores, & I got this metal "kitchen" sign, a cookbook holder (something I REALLY did need), candle holders (because you can never have too many), and yes, MORE fabric.

This little gem I found hiding on the very top shelf at Hobby Lobby, and for $3.99, how could I not buy it?? Adding stitching to my paper crafts was something I had been interested in doing, but the thought of lugging out my sewing machine for a teensy bit of stitching wasn't very appealing. Enter this mini, battery operated sewing machine! Just think of the possibilities! Jerusalem got one, too ~ I love having a partner in crime!! She has already given it a test run & gives it a thumbs-up. Honey of course couldn't understand why I needed a mini sewing machine and even its low, low price couldn't convince him. Go figure. You ladies understand the importance of such a nifty crafting tool, right?

hey thanks!

2007-08-25T19:37:00.000-08:00

That's right, Jerusalem thinks I rock! And I nominate:

Jen at the Cottage Nest

Nancy (aka, mom!) at Pieces of the Puzzle

Manda at Tree Fall

Donna at Simply Me

Julie at Jane's Apron

You ladies rock! Thanks for giving me great blogs to read, for inspiring me on a daily basis, and for being you!

a little update

2007-08-21T11:04:00.000-08:00

So my birthday was really great. We barbequed at work, and while I was waiting for Adam to get off work because he got suckered into doing a print job for a rich attorney & had to stay late, the rich attorney gave him a $100 tip to "take the madam out to dinner". $40 went to feed the gas tank ($3.45 a gallon ~ how much to do you all pay?), and the rest I'm sure he'll spend while I'm on vacation. He earned that tip, he should get to spend it!

At mom & Mike's, we had homemade pizzas made on the grill, which you can read about here. Mom bought me a gorgeous banner from Jerusalem , which I plan on hanging every birthday for the rest of my life. It's that cute.

The only thing mom didn't write about, which is totally worthy of mention, is Bucky & Adam's "shopping" trip in mom's buffet. Bucky had walked into the living room with a funny look on his face, and said ~ My pockets aren't full! Michelle & I busted up laughing because we realized Bucky's pockets were indeed full ~ of mom's candles. Adam said he wanted to "get in on that", & he went shopping in the buffet, too!

Here's a photo of the guilty boys, and one of Michelle watching on in amusement. Isn't she too cute? The photos are slightly blurry because I couldn't stop laughing long enough to hold my camera still. I am so glad my husband is comfortable enough to steal from my mother.

Currently, I'm at Tanya's house in Seattle, and she & her husband Allen are getting ready to take her mom to the doctor's because she had foot surgery yesterday & is in quite a lot of pain. So, Auntie Tracy is in charge of Tanya's 2 boys, Jacob & Austin for the afternoon. Jacob, age 8, doesn't call me Auntie Tracy anymore, though. I am now "Trace". I remember the day that child was born, how is he 8 YEARS OLD already??

I won't lie & say I'm not a little disappointed that I can't go shopping this afternoon. I was this close to hopping a bus to downtown & all those glorious shops while Tanya looked after her mom until her step-dad got home from work. A couple years ago, this ~ a change in plans ~ would have sent me over the edge. Once I have it in my mind that I get to do something, go somewhere, etc, I will flip out if it doesn't work out that way.

Vacationing with Tanya, Allen, & their boys was not always easy for me because as any mother knows, EVERYTHING revolves around your children, especially when they're that young. And me, who just wanted to do what she wanted to do, couldn't hang with the constant changing plans. We planned everything around meal times & nap times, and even then, plans were subject to change without notice. But, I love her boys as if they were my own, and I have come to grips with the fact that if I want to spend time with Tanya & her family, I must learn to adapt. So I have to say, I'm pretty pround of myself today, for going with the flow, for not being selfish, for being there for my friend.

Anyway, I'm off to the park with the boys, who will hopefully be "extra, extra good".

Thanks for all the birthday wishes! So far, 32 is off to a great start.

ps ~ thus far, I haven't discovered anything that I've forgotten to pack, AND I did it WITHOUT A LIST! Can you believe it??

32!

2007-08-17T10:37:00.000-08:00

Today is my 32nd birthday, and I have to say, I like the sound of 32. 30 was really difficult. So much so, that I didn't tell any of my co-workers that it was my birthday until I skipped out of work early. I didn't feel that I was where I wanted to be at 30, and more than anything, I wanted to turn back time. Do-overs are allowed, right??

At 32, I have a husband who loves me, and more importantly, gets me. I am close with my family, I have a house, food, heat, and a dog to cuddle when I'm feeling overwhelmed. With any luck, this next time next year we'll have a baby in the house, and I can't wait for that day.

Birthdays are as much a "new year" as the actual New Year holiday, and I have a feeling this is going to be a really good year.

Thanks to mom for nominating me for this award! I never win anything! I do try to be a nice, good person; someone my parents would be proud to have as a daughter. Even though I have always felt like I need to be "perfect" & the type of person that no one could find fault with (ha!), I am very often impatient & angry, and I still pout when I don't get my way. Thanks mom, for thinking I am nice, even when I don't think I am, and to the sweet ladies who read my ramblings.

I don't know exactly what the rules are for this award, although I think I'm supposed to nominate someone else, or multiple others. Anyone that I would nominate has already been, so today I give this award to all the wonderful bloggers I read. It has truly opened up a whole new world for me. The encouragement & kindness from strangers, a glimpse into their lives (who cried yesterday when they read Audrey had passed away, or last week when they saw Manda's ultrasound photo?), knowing I'm not alone in all the crazy things I feel (see any of Heather's posts from 2004 except that I don't have a kid) ~ it all makes me try to be a better person, the person I know I can be. The person (I fear) my husband thinks he married. A well-adjusted, non-neurotic, happy, person. And I'm not looking for coddling in any of this, it's just my truth & how I feel on most days. So, here's to my New Year!

vacation

2007-08-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else get completely overwhelmed prior to leaving for vacation? I reach such a state of anxiety that whenever someone asks me if I am getting excited about leaving, all I can think of is ~ Do you have any idea what I need to get done before I leave, NO, I am not excited! And imagine as I am verbalizing this to the poor person who only expected a Hell yeah I'm excited!, that my voice is reaching a pitch dogs would run from.

I make lists, a trait I inherited from my mother. Lists that include what clothes I need, down to the number of pairs of underwear, other miscellaneous items (jewelry, camera, the-purse-to-go-with-the oufit-for-the-event-we-are-traveling-to, you get the idea) what I will wear on the plane (for this, I must also take into consideration the temperature when I land, and whether or not I'll be able to change clothes once I get there), & what I am bringing in my carry-on.

My list of toiletries is made in the order in which I use them. I go through my morning routine in my head and make my list: cleanser, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, loofah (I can not properly wash & exfoliate my body with just a washcloth), razor, contact case, saline solution, toner, moisturizer, hair smoother, etc. It has only been within the past couple of years that I have come to grips with the fact that there are in fact STORES at my final destination, and if, heaven forbid, I forget something, I have the ability to purchase a replacement.

The anxiety over what clothing to pack is a big, big issue. There is just so much potential for error: overpacking, underpacking, inappropriate for weather conditions, outfit is not dressy enough for an event (usually a wedding), and don't even get me started on shoes. I need to have choices (but not too many!) because what if I'm feeling fat that day & the dress I was planning on wearing just won't work anymore? Luckily, this trip (a working-vacation) I am not attending a single planned event, thus requiring no special wardrobe considerations on my part. Thank goodness, and pass the suitcase! You have no idea how liberating that is for someone like myself.

I am heading to Seattle to visit my very best girlfriend Tanya for a few days, and then to Little Rock to see Miss Jerusalem, my other very best girlfriend. My only worry is that I am heading into 100 degree weather, and I live in Alaska, where today it's supposed to hit 78 degrees and I groaned.

On a side note, last weekend when Honey asked if I had walked Porter while he was at work, and I said that ~ No, it was too hot, Honey said ~ Oh, right. I forgot that once it hits 70 degrees, all dog walking ceases. Did you know that in Florida, they only have to walk their dogs, like 4 times a year?? I think I replied with a ~ Oh, really, smart ass?

At any rate, I don't own much by way of summer clothes, and my one pair of sandals is seriously about to fall apart. To top it off, I've been gaining weight (probably 8 lbs or so) ever since I went off birth control so I feel self-conscious in all my clothes. You can't hide belly rolls under a tank top, you know. I fear I am going to absolutely melt into the Little Rock sidewalk while wearing one of my 3 summer tops, but at least I won't have to worry about what to wear!!

My (self-diagnosed) ADD also brings along a certain amount of packing anxiety: am I bringing enough to keep me occupied, both on the plane and once I get to where I'm going? I always, always overpack my carry-on, and I don't see that ever changing. Even though I tend to sleep on the plane (Honey gets the window, I get to sleep on his shoulder, it's a system that works beautifully for us), I have to have a sufficient amount of things to look at. I'm really big on bringing things "just in case", and despite the fact that I sleep on the plane & all this over-packing accomplishes is a sore shoulder, I will continue to overpack my carry-on. Just in case. I think a lot of it is needing to have a bit of home with me; my magazines, my decorating books, a favorite photo ~ the familiarity helps to keep me from freaking out that I can't just go home at the end of the day.

This trip, as excited as I am to see my girls, will be hard because I won't be traveling with Honey, and I really love to vacation with Honey. We travel well together. Something will usually happen, and instead of taking our stress out on one another, it's us against the world. Things happen like our bag gets lost (the bag with MY stuff), or we oversleep and nearly miss our flight causing me to nearly lose it on the AK Airlines lady guarding the security line who tells me "no cutsies!" after I beg her to let us at the head of the line because we are at the end of the line and they are announcing "final boarding", and then she let in a lady with a kid & stroller. It was then that I learned that having a baby was the key to getting ahead in line, and I vowed to get me one of those.

ANYWAY, Honey squeezed my hand as I cried, cursing the mean AK Airlines lady under my breath, positive that we were going to miss our flight, and since we used mileage, what on earth were we going to do?? As much as I wanted to, I did not yell at the AK Airlines lady because I knew she had the ability to keep us off our flight. That right there is growth, people. We did in fact make our plane ~ we were those people who take their seats moments before the plane rolls away from the gate. I was so relieved, I didn't even care, and I slept like a baby all the way to Seattle.

I leave Monday, I think; it's been a while since I looked at my reservation, and while I do have my freak-out moments, I'm doing okay with leaving-preparations. Leaving Monday gives me the whole weekend to pack, clean house, make sure the bills are all paid, tie up my loose ends, etc. My work is pretty well caught up, I've trained Mary to do payroll for me, and I'm trying to remind myself that anything that may go wrong is fixable when I get back. Also, I have this really cool thing called a cell phone that Mary can reach me on anytime she needs to! Phew!

And, tomorrow is my birthday ~ woo hoo!!

all business

2007-08-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

Just in time for back-to-school, I've finished up some notebooks suitable for sale, and they're currently available on my etsy shop! Also newsworthy for me is that Angie of the Creating Place is carrying my notebooks on consignment. I told Honey I was going to make us millionaires, one notebook at a time, & he humored me like a good husband. Honestly, though, I am still wondering if people will buy them. I mean, I think they're totally cute, but underneath it all, they're still just composition notebooks & anyone can make their own if they were so inclined.

They're all made with high-quality scrapbook paper, and I've done away with the glue gun, so no more glue globs! Needless to say, construction has improved about a thousand percent since my giveaway.

I'm currently "testing" a mini, and after being tossed about in my purse, it's still in perfect shape. I think I love the minis best ~ they're the perfect size to throw in my purse to keep track of all those thoughts that would be lost if not written down right that very second.

In other news, Adam is in the (very) early stages of attempting to buy into the company he works for. We met with Trevor at Wells Fargo yesterday to get some loan information, and Adam's going to meet with his boss Chuck to get some concrete numbers as all discussion thus far have been hypothetical.

The SBA loan dictates that Honey acquire one shop in its entirety, not buy shares of the whole company, which is what he would prefer. Chuck owns 2 print shops & 1 sign shop, so Adam would likely take over the print shop in the valley. I'm trying to be optimistic about this new endeavor, but we're not talking small change here. We're talking $300,000. To people who just borrowed approximately $220,000 for their house a year ago. Holy anxiety. If we were actually approved for that kind of money, everything would be on the line, including our house because Wells Fargo would have a 2nd mortgage.

I love seeing Honey so excited about something, though. It's like he's a whole new person. A person who is secure with himself & his abilities to achieve something great in life. He hasn't once said "I can't do this", and for Honey, that's HUGE! He, like me, gets frustrated easier than most & if something doesn't come easily to him, he tends to give up rather than keep trying. Luckily for him, he's good at most things he tries.

Logically, I don't see how we could possibly do this because we have zero cash for the down payment, but I have an odd feeling that this is going to happen.

poll

2007-08-06T08:20:00.001-08:00

Raise your hands if you can't believe it's already August. That's what I thought.

Happy Monday :)

Minneapolis

2007-08-02T09:01:00.000-08:00

God bless those who suffered when the bridge collapsed.

sunset

2007-08-01T21:19:00.000-08:00

view from our front porch last Friday.

I love my mailman!

2007-08-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

My e-bay packages started to arrive yesterday. Honey threatened to take away my computer, and I'm assuming, my internet access, along with it. But look how cute everything is!

The green sewing box is just as cute as its picture. Maybe cuter. Could I say 'cute' any more? Cute Cute Cute! There, now that that's out of my system!

(notice how in the previous craft room photos, I didn't show the messy closet? that wasn't an accident.)

The wooden spools, the original reason for my looking on e-bay. Admittedly, I may have gone a little overboard, but I ended up winning 2 auctions, one for empty spools & one for spools with thread. I couldn't resist the myriad of colors & don't have any intentions for them other to look pretty in this jar.

This is the pincushion from mom, looking right at home next to all the lovely thread.

Monday, we got this wedding invitation from Adam's step-cousin Kara. We spent quite a bit of time with her at Adam's uncle Bobby's wedding last summer, and she's a total sweetheart. Tall, blonde, southern California, but completely unpretentious.

The invitation is by far the most elaborate, yet simple & sweet invitation I have ever received. I thought she probably had them done at a printers, but Honey, who works in a print shop & has become quite the paper connoisseur, believes they were printed on a home-printer & scorched by hand. The time that must have taken! And yes, the invitation came in the bottle.

Since today is very fall-like (who am I kidding, the entire month of July was fall-like), I turned off NPR & instead listened to "The Last Time I Saw Paris", a cd I purchased from Williams-Sonoma ages ago. I'm not sure they sell it any longer, but if you ever come across a copy, I highly recommend you snatch it up.

My favorite cd's tend to be soundtracks & collections like this (Pottery Barn also has some great ones), which I think is because I have the attention span of a 2 year old. Seriously. I swear to god, one time I was in mid-sentence with my co-worker James when I realized there was chocolate on the counter & I stopped to say ~ oooh, chocolate! ~ & proceeded to help myself to the chocolate. Has James let me forget this? Nooooo.

Today, Honey & I went home for lunch, and I had received another package. Honey again threatened to take away the computer. He said he'd ask me to choose between the wireless router & him, but he wasn't sure how I might respond. I said ~ oh, honey, of course I'd choose you! I can get internet at work! And luckily he thought I was being cute as was my intention, & didn't get grumpy.

Today's goodie is this really great fabric. I've been into toilles & variations thereof for the past year or so & am still searching for the perfect pattern. This one I do love, though, and king-Riley also approves. It is designed by Jennifer Paginelli of Sis Boom, so you can't really go wrong there. I think it's going to be curtains for my craft room as it's the closest fabric I've found to what I have pictured in my head.

And that's all the shopping photos you should see for a while because Honey may get a little testy if this trend continues!

Bookkeeping work ~ done.
Blogging ~ done.
August Country Living, here I come!

a brighter Thursday: scenes from a craft room

2007-07-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

Here are some shots of my evolving craft room. The only money I've spent thus far have been paint & supplies. Several months ago, I did purchase the acrylic paper trays, but everything else I already owned. Or inherited from my grandparents. Or took from my mother.

The furniture is concentrated on the one side because I've got a gorgeous antique bed that belonged to my grandmother that will eventually be placed in this room. I'm totally putting my horse before the cart (or is it the other way around?) by trying to contain everything that does not belong in our living room, bedroom, kitchen, or bathroom into this one room so I don't have to juggle too much when & if we get to make a baby room. My grandma's bed is a 3/4 size (smaller than a full but bigger than a twin) so it's not exactly feasible as a guest bed for full-size people. It would, however, make the perfect for an afternoon nap, or for a little daughter.

I like my desk placement ~ near the window so I get good light & have a nice view, and also facing the door so no one can sneak up on me. I'd love to have a larger project table with more room to spread out, but once I get the bed in the room, I don't think there will be space for a larger table. Oh, and I'm missing a sewing station, too.

The tv is not even plugged in yet, & I don't plan on running cable to the room, but I would like to get a cheap little dvd player. I'm currently watching movies on my laptop, but that of course hinders being able to use the laptop at the same time. I've had that tv since I was about 16, one of my first "major" purchases. The lamp, which will eventually get a facelift, was purchased for $3 at the annual community garage sale a few years back.

In my attempt to contain my belongings & to downsize the amount of crap I don't use & don't need, I look at every item & analyze whether or not it's useful, sentimental, or if I really might need it someday. If it doesn't fit into one of those categories, or if I can't find a logical place for it to live, it goes in the giveaway pile. I am one of those people that believes everything should have a place, so not having my home organized after 11 months is crazy-making.

Feel free to oooh & aaaah over my supply shelf organization, though! Also still a work in progress, and once I get the shelving hung, I'll know better where stuff will live. I almost prefer that I've waited so long to put this room together because now I know how I want to use the room, what works in terms of furniture & storage & making things I use easily accessable. If it's a pain in the ass to put away my supplies, I guarantee they will wind up in a pile somewhere.

This shelf has 4 baskets: one holds glues & adhesives, one holds paints & markers, one holds miscellaneous tools, and the 4th holds random bits.

The wicker-drawer-thingy has paper scraps & card stock I've already folded for card-making. The wooden paper tray has my 8 1/2 x 11 paper, and the acrylic paper trays have my 12 x 12 paper. Watch me try to organize my 12 x 12 paper ~ solids & printed ~ into 10 slots. No easy task.

Ummm, red & white string? Check! When I first saw it being used in The French Inspired Home, I thought, I MUST HAVE RED & WHITE STRIPED STRING! Recently, I did a google search on red & white string, and saw a link to Tilda's Bake Shop in a comment on Posie's blog. At Tilda's you can get this giant spool of perfect red & white striped string for like, $12. Of course, I paid about that much in shipping, too, but I didn't mind. Jane's Apron also had a post about what looks to be the same spool of string. Who knew there were so many people who loved red & white striped string?

This is my first project created in my craft room, and I have to say, it was really nice to have a space of my own, to not drag everything out into the living room to work at the dining table, and then have to drag everything back into my craft room when I'm done. Maybe instead of thinking I'd rather do my crafting in the living room to be near Honey, what I really need is more time to myself. Plus, it obviously saves time not dragging my supplies through the house & reduces the "mess" anxiety because I don't have piles of paper & adhesives covering the dining table.

They're a set of blank-inside greeting cards for my MIL's birthday. There are 2 varieties, 4 of each, with red envelopes. The card was handmade & distressed ~ my first attempt with my new distressing kit. The card is simple, but I like it.

German raspberries, one of my most favorite candies!

Thursday

2007-07-26T08:05:00.001-08:00

First, I suppose I should have said that the gal in the middle of the photobooth photo was Jerusalem. Since she looks just the same to me, I figured everyone else would recoginize her, too!

Second, Jen is totally right in her comment about feeling bad over all the wasted money when doing these purges. I used to take a load of giveaways now & then to Salvation Army, but never before had I amassed such a large amount of stuff to get rid of. Easily hundreds of dollars. Maybe thousands when when you consider the clothes that I still need to take to consignment.

And Jen's also right that it does change one's perspective on purchases. Over the past couple years, I've become more mindful of the things I buy and try to ask myself ~ do I really need that, or do I just really want it? Not just because of the money factor, but because I knew I already had so much that I didn't need & was just taking up space in my house & in my life. I love Peter on TLC's Clean Sweep, who says you have to get rid of the old to make room for the new. So true.

Owning a house & the responsibilities that come with it changes one's perspective, as well. Now, I really try to only buy that which I feel I need because we've already had the Sunday afternoon trip to Sears because our hot water heater broke, and I now know how easy it is to have to drop $300 just like that. Now when I shop, it's for stuff like a compost bin, a wheelbarrow, a weed eater, and fun things like that. (We won't mention the other e-bay purchases on their way....Honey is going to kill me.)

Thirdly, I have to say that Thursdays are my favorite day. I just love looking forward to Fridays almost as much as Friday's themselves. And I love the idea of Sundays. Oh, that perfect, elusive Sunday. I imagine myself cuddled in my living room ~ of course, it is fall & there is a fire going, except I don't have a fireplace nor a woodstove ~ reading magazines, watching movies, relaxing with Honey, Doodles curled at my feet. On this Sunday, I am not worried about chores, or work, or money, or that I'm not a good enough wife, sister, or friend. I am happy, content, & balanced. I am not thinking that I am not taking advantage of this life, not worrying about whether or not we can afford a baby. There is no pressure to get anything done because it is Sunday & I can do whatever I want.

I know that perfect Sunday only exists in my mind, and that the reality of my perfect Sunday is some version of it. If I knew how to relax without feeling guilty, I would. I would not shower & watch HGTV or bad Lifetime movies all day. I used to have that ability. Now, there's not enough time in the day for me to feel like I've accomplished enough to go to bed guilt-free. It freaks me out to think how I will ever manage everything AND a baby if I can't even keep up now. I honestly don't know how all you crafty mothers do it.

This particular Thursday, I could do without. I have, I can only hope, PMS. PMS with drastically reduced meds & no birth control pills so my hormones & my brain are completely out of whack. Last month was my first period sans birth control, and it sucked. For over 10 years, I was on the pill & knew exactly what to expect with my body. Now, I have no idea what's going on, and as my co-worker Mary pointed out, "you hate that". She knows me so well. To say that I like to know what's going on & at what time it will be happening is a huge understatement. You're probably laughing to yourselves right now, thinking I'm in for a rude awakening when I have a baby, right?! Oh, don't think I don't know things will change! I just can't think too much about the extent to which things will change or else I will never have a baby. And if I think about it THIS week, when I'm feeling totally unappreciated & Honey is driving me crazy (couldn't have anything to do with PMS), I will surely never have a baby!

going crazy

2007-07-25T10:04:00.001-08:00

Do you ever have days where you can't figure out if it's you that is speaking normally & it's the rest of the world that just can't understand, or if you really are making no sense at all? Seriously.

garage sale

2007-07-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, my mom & I had a garage sale. When Honey & I moved into our house, I quickly realized that we had A LOT of stuff that we didn't need. I started a pile in the garage of crap to get rid of, and that pile has been growing & taking on a life of its own since last August.

Here's some shots from us setting up the garage sale. It was truly overwhelming to see all that STUFF. Stuff that I had to have that I rarely or never used. Stuff I had loved & still loved, but was no longer needed. Who needs 8 sets of bedding? I do. But I still sold off most of them. That was probably my biggest letting-go-breakthrough. I love, love, love bedding.

It felt really good to purge, but since I've just been throwing stuff in the garage for all these months, the only space that really gained room was the garage! And in fact, after rummaging through my mom's items, I probably have more that I started with. And I know that totally defeats the purpose, but I had to have them! It's a disease that I inherited from my mother, who claims it was handed down from her mother. So you see, it's not my fault.

And in my defense, one lady who came said she was told we had the best garage sale of the day. You hear that? My mom & I have the best use crap!

And here's the garage after. Step back! I can still hardly believe all the space we have. I may be able to park my car in there this winter!

Some of the treasures I stole before my mom got a chance to tag them? These really cool old books. And inside the Daphne du Maurier?

This! Taken circa 1991 (I think.) from the only photo booth in town, at the Emporium Mall, which isn't really a mall at all. The gorgeous girl on the left is our dear friend Carrie McMillan. I realize now I don't know if her married name is still McMillan! But, more importantly, we are all still in touch, 20 years later.

And just for fun, here's a rare shot of Doodles enjoying the flowers. Look at that face. His eyes tell all.

lookie what I got!

2007-07-19T10:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not a regular e-bayer, but every now & again, I check it out to look for something specific. Random looking will only lead to disaster with that many choices. Yesterday I was looking for vintage spools, and found this little gem!

I love textiles & love to sew, but I am still learning. My sewing machine is about as no-frills as they come, and because I haven't figured out tension, stitch lenghts & all those important things, my thread jams no fewer than 3 times per project.

But really, how cute is this vintage sewing box? And since I only have, like, 4 spools of thread, this should suit my needs for a while!

And my sweet mama brought this over last night. I have already read it cover to cover, and I'm sure I will be drawing lots of decorating inspiration from it.

I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Happy Thursday!

laughing out loud

2007-07-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

love dooce, love chuck, but this is my favorite chuck photo yet.

craft room: various stages of completion

2007-07-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

If I waited 'til I felt I was done with a room, I'd never post anything. Anyone else feel that their houses are ever really done? Maybe that's the fun in decorating, the constant changing & rearranging. My co-worker Mary (she's actually my one employee, but I feel more comfortable calling her my co-worker) asked me the other day what I will do when I am done with my many decorating endeavors. Will I actually be able to sit & enjoy my craft room? Yes! Will I find something else to paint? Probably. That's just me.

This is my craft room. Originally, this was going to be the beautiful guest room, but I doubt that dream will ever materialize. And anyway, we rarely have guests. I had set up our other spare room as the office/craft room, but I like the view better from this room. Not that I still won't drag all my supplies out to the living room to work out there, but at least everything will be organized & have a home. Right? Right.

I cursed the person who hung that awful wallpaper boarder. Not because it was so awful, which it was, but because it took me 3 days to get it all off. 3 days of holding my arms in an upright position means 3 days of soreness afterwards. I used fabric softener, the trick I had seen on so many DIY shows, but every square inch had to be scraped off.
The color is French General's Plume Bleu, and I couldn't love a shade of blue any more. It has just the right amount of turquoise, and it changes depending on the light. A crisp, white trim is the perfect accent. Eventually, I will (ahem, Honey will) replace all the trim in the house with this, taller trim. I think it looks more historic, more vintage. PS, Honey laid the laminate flooring a few months back.

The apartment building we moved from was built in the early 1900's, and it had gorgeous woodwork & built-ins. Even the glass panes in the french doors & the built-ins were hand-blown glass. Our apartment still had much of the original wood, meaning it hadn't been painted white. (Who paints 90 year old wood??) The trim was all this taller style, and I decided that our house also needed taller trim so as to make-believe our house wasn't built in 1981. A girl can pretend.

Hanging trim, as it turns out, is not as easy as I thought. Not so much the hanging of the trim, but the measuring. I suck at measuring. And trying to measure when there are 45 degree cuts involved, effectively making one side of the trim upwards of a 1/2 inch longer than the other side, is beyond frustrating to me. I was so frustrated in fact, and was afraid Honey would be equally frustrated at having to cut the same piece for the THIRD time, that I tried to sand the piece down instead. It didn't work. Honey was gracious & cut it a FOURTH time for me, and it finally fit. I gave over the task of measuring to Honey, and after a couple pieces, he had it down. More accurately, I turned over the whole trim project to Honey, and he did a really good job.

Still to be done:
hang curtain rod
make curtains
find a light fixture
hang shelves
crown molding
make a curtain for closet door? (for as long as I can remember, I have been taking closet doors off so as to maximize space, but I'm inclined to hang some pretty fabric here to hide the clutter).
bring furniture in
organize everything!

TG

how it should be

2007-07-13T10:58:00.000-08:00

So I just met Jerry Baldwyn and his wife Jane, & I have to say, they were nice as nice can be. But that's the way it should be, right? Just because you're a kajillionaire, doesn't mean you have to put on airs. One of my co-workers was just falling all over herself trying to impress them & it was all I could do to not say ~ who are you trying to fool?? No one cares!! Maybe if I had seen Brad Pitt when he was here last week I would have been falling over myself, too, but that's a different story.

I asked Jerry & Jane if they were here on a cruise, and Jerry said ~ A small boat, you know; just 8 of us.

I am sure that the "small boat" he refers to is probably a yacht who's dingy is fancier than any boat I'll ever hope to own.

Anyway, I just like it when the rich-folk act like the rest of us little people & wanted to share.
Happy Friday!

4 years ago today

2007-07-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

I vowed to love you forever.

4 years later, I love you more than I ever thought possible.
happy anniversary, honey. I love you all the bits.

love,

got the time?

2007-07-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

Anyone know of a good website for clocks? I'm looking for something along these lines to finish off my bathroom. My bathroom, sorry ~ powder room is trying to be french, and already has this lovely sign, a gift from my mama. You can get the jist of my powder room from this post. It doesn't so much have a coherent theme or style, other than it contains things I love to look at in the morning & I like to think they all go together.

Thanks in advance!
TG

2007-07-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

My journals are going to Jen at the Cottage Nest & to Lazylol ~ all the way in the UK! If you are not familiar with Lazylol's blog, take a look! I did, & instantly fell in love with her photos. I can't wait to sit down & read her posts.

Lazylol, I got your e-mail from your blog so I'll contact you for your mailing address. Jen, I didn't see your e-mail on your site, so please contact me at tracygottschlich@gmail.com with your mailing address. Thanks for playing my game!

And I had 6 whole comments waiting for me this morning, which just made my day. Thanks everyone so much for your sweet comments. I started this blog to journal my life, even the silly little bits, and to feel more connected to my friends & family since I suck so horribly at keeping in touch with them.

Not only do I feel like I am able to be a part of their lives & show them a glimpse of mine, but I've found that there is a wealth of like-minded women out there who have formed a virtual community. Women who love to make things, and who can make things out of anything! Women who love to make their home something special & a true reflection of themselves. Women who freely share their ideas. Women who have bad days & sad days just like me. Women who have left their day jobs to pursue what they really love, and that gives HOPE to the rest of us!

I have always loved to see how others live (if I walk by your house & your curtains are open, I will look!) so this just brings it to a whole new level. Thank you for giving me a peeksy into your lives & for taking an interest in mine.

TG

free for you!

2007-07-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

To the first 2 people who comment, I will send one of these 2 notebooks. And since there are only about 3 of you who read me on a regular basis, your odds are really good!

I made these, and a few others, that I planned on putting on my etsy shop. Then I chatted with Angie, owner of The Creating Place. After I lamented over the spots on my notebooks where the glue gun got away from me, she was kind enough to give me some advice on adhesives & techniques. I have all these ideas in my head (sadly, most are already being sold on etsy ~ sigh) but what I see in my head doesn't always materialize in real life. In real life, there are glue globs, and poorly-cut felt flowers because a.) when I bought them, I thought they were stickers & now I have to cut them, and b.) I was cutting them late at night in a dimly lit room.

So, I'm not quite ready to sell my wares yet, but I will gladly give them away to 2 people kind enough to continue reading my nonsense! I do love how these notebooks turned out. Lately I've been really drawn to reds & blues, especially blues with a hint of turquoise. I think it started when Honey bought me The French Inspired Home for Christmas, and I fell in love with Kaari's Plume Bleu.

PS, I'm waiting for them to manufacture the mossy-green paint in their bedroom photo, which Jon says they hope to have out soon. Yeah, I'm on a first name basis with Kaari & Jon. I exchanged e-mails with them a while back regarding some paint samples I ordered. I was so damn excited that I got an e-mail from the real, live Kaari, that Honey teased she was my new best friend & we could surely stay at their house the next time we vacationed in California.

More recently, I e-mailed them to see what in the heck happened to their paint line as it had disappeared from their website. Rest assured, their beautiful paints have returned. Even better, is that when I told Jon my kitchen/dining room is painted in their Boulette & Lily Pad colors & that I loved what a happy color combination they made, he asked if I had pictures. Pictures!! Jon of freakin' French General wants to see photos of my kitchen! Can you imagine? That Jon & Kaari are still "real" people, who care about their customers is so great to me. Needless to say, that has kicked my butt into gear to finish the space so I can send photos & post some here as well.

ANYWAY! Talk about digressing!

Notebooks!

The Joy notebook was made with a scrap of my fancy wrapping paper that was too small to really do anything with. I say fancy because it was ridiculously expensive, but when the kids come 'round selling gift wrap every fall, I'm a total sucker. Plus, it's really good quality wrapping paper! So, I save it for special occasions and for people who I think will appreciate it. Except now I've taken to scanning the gift table when I arrive at an event & am subsequently disappointed when someone else has brought a gift in my fancy wrapping paper. The nerve!

This notebook I am keeping for myself because even though I really love the paisley & the red polka dot ribbon, it has too many mistakes for me to even give the thing away. I am finding that it's very hard, and perhaps impossible, to be a perfectionist & a crafter. Can the two co-exist?

This notebook I made for my brother's fiance, the mother of his baby, Michelle. She picked this paper from a couple choices because she said it looked like cherry blossoms. I think this was one of my favorites.

This sweet little journal was one of my firsts, made for my mama so she could write & escape from some of the craziness from the past year. Can you tell I like rik-rak & buttons?

See, I really DO make stuff!

how the conversation went

2007-07-06T08:31:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, Honey & I had a few baby-making discussions.

The first one went something like this:

"How would you feel if I went off the pill?"

No answer

"You do know you have to answer me sometime, right?"

Nervous laughter from Honey.

"You need to talk to your doctor about going off your meds first."

"And then can I go off the pill?"

"It's not like you're going to accept an answer like 'yeah, sure, I suppose so', but I don't know what to say!"

"I'll accept 'yeah, sure, I suppose so'!!"

"O-kaaaaay...."

More nervous laughter from Honey, because now he knows he's screwed & there's no going back.

I did call my doctor about a week later, and when she returned my call I was shopping in Joann's. Not exactly the place I prefer to have such a private conversation, but I realize my doctor is a very busy lady & I wasn't about to not take her call. So as I sat in the discounted fabric section, I had probably the most important conversation with my doctor that I've had to date.

Honey wasn' t feeling well that night, nor the next morning, so I waited until he was in a better mood before I dropped the life-altering bombshell on him. That evening, on the way home from work, I announced that I had spoken with my doctor.

If this is too personal, I apologize. You can stop reading now. I often have a hard time writing what I want to write without sensoring it for appropriateness or worrying what others will think. So, in the spirit of honesty & being me, I will share that I have suffered from anxiety & at times from depression, for probably more years than not. Since most days I felt ill-equipped to handle my own life & unable to accomplish half of what's rolling around in my head, I had made the decision a few years back to go on meds. I will save the details of all this for another day, but for now I will just say that I know I needed to ween myself from the anxiety medication before getting pregnant. More importantly, I needed to learn how to get through my days without the aid of medication because I know that if I am lucky enough to get pregnant, it would be at least a year without them.

In an ideal world, my body would be pure & free from anything that could harm our baby. I don't really drink, I have successfully quit smoking, & have cut the dosage in half for my anxiety medication. Since it could very well take months to get pregnant, I decided not to quit taking them altogether until I saw that little pink plus sign, or the extra stripe, or whatever the case may be.

So there you have it. This well-rested couple, who on the day this photo was taken by a kind stranger watching them take self-portraits in Seaside, Oregon on the day they closed on their first home, is trying to have a baby.

Happy 4th of July!

2007-07-04T20:17:00.000-08:00

We spent the holiday camping on Shelter Island, where my dad & step-mom Jill are in the process of building a cabin. Jill's brother Rodney & his wife Mary also have a cabin on the adjacent lot, and us kids all decided that dad & Jill ought to buy us the next lot over. You know, to keep away the undesirables. Who knows what kind of crazies might build there?? Better to keep it in the family, I say.

It was Porter's first boat ride, and he handled it much better than walking on the dock, which he was not having. Honey thought I had lost my mind (not the first time) when I put a life vest on Porter. It's not like I really thought it would save his life if he were to fall overboard! Can't a girl just have some fun dressing up her dog?

Upon our arrival, this lovely plate of "sushi" was awaiting us. It was prepared by Megan, the daughter of a friend of Rodney & Mary's. I had to admire her presentation!

Fireworks & beer? Always a good combination. Luckily, everyone left the island with all their fingers & toes, and not even a singed eyelash.

We feasted on king crab for lunch. So, so good!

Michelle thought it would be funny if I took a picture of Adam in the outhouse-with-a-view, and since I take so many pictures of her, how I could I say no?

Completely off subject, but I wanted to mention that I drive past Jeru's old house every day, at least twice a day. This is the house she spent her formidable teen years in, the house in which she decorated her room just like a scene from Out of Africa, the house where I read Love Story for the first time, the house where I discovered parents DO kiss! To me, this house will always hold magical memories. It was, and I hope still is, a house full of love. Since she's feeling a bit sad & melancholy today, missing her family & the way things used to be, I wanted to share this photo I took a few days ago. Happy 4th, Jeru.

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday with their friends & family. Mom & Mike ~ we missed you today!

shopping goodness

2007-07-02T14:07:00.000-08:00

As my mom wrote in a recent post, we have reason to celebrate in our little retail-challenged town. Ta-Da! Home Depot! The first time I saw the HD orange make an appearance on the HD building, I was downright giddy. Since HD is near Costco, I have watched it's progress on a weekly basis & was all but counting the days until June 28th, the expected opening date.

I have always loved hardware & home improvement stores (and office supply stores), and HD brings my love of hardware stores to a new level. My mind reels at the possibilities! Flooring, tile, pavers, every tool known to man, LIGHTING!, storage solutions, cabinet knobs & pulls, sink faucets, wood, oh my! Need a new fridge? There are 22 to choose from! 22!! And as my mom says, you can go in needing to purchase one thing, and you come out with a bunch of stuff that you didn't even know you needed, but now cannot live without! I was, however, disappointed that they did not have the sink I have been coveting, a farmhouse apron-front sink, but it was probably a good thing they didn't have one in stock otherwise I would have had to purchase it. And purchasing a new kitchen sink isn't really in the budget right now. And I thought I was happy with my bathroom, until I saw a faucet that would be too perfect. If I could find a picture online I'd post it, so for now you'll just have to trust me that is the cutest faucet ever.

Anyway, despite my love of home improvement stores, Honey & I did not go on opening day, but we did go Friday evening & made a few necessary purchases. By the time we were done wandering the massive store that, according to the Juneau Empire article is not the smallest HD in the country, I was using the garden stakes as a walking stick. And I know it's not like this is the first store they've opened, but thank goodness HD had the foresight to install those cute little bumper posts around the major appliances, because we did pump into a toilet or two.

Our major purchase for the evening was a garden hose rolling cart, which looks like it was made by John Deere, and I love it. Makes me feel like I'm on a farm. Except that I'm not smart enough to actually get the hose to stay on the cart, so I'd probably make a lousy farmer. You think I'm joking, but I promise you, I'm not. I just cannot visualize how the hose is supposed to connect to the leader hose, which is connected to the cart, and that's all supposed to somehow connect to the water faucet?? I don't think so.

I went back the next day while Honey was at work & bought beadboard & moulding for the kitchen/dining room, which has been on my project list since we bought the house. Prior to HD, we had 2 hardware/home improvement stores, one of which is grossly overpriced, & both of them carrying much of the same product. Because of that, I've held off on lots of projects til HD opened so as to get the most bang for my buck. Now, my dining room (if it were big enough to actually fit a dining table) is this close to being complete. Yippee! Knobs & pulls arrived yesterday & are installed on my new, freshly-painted china cabinet (a garage sale find from mom & Mike), the beadboard & trim is almost completely installed & then will get a couple coats of Benjamin Moore White Dove paint, hand-made curtains are finished & turned out fabulous, if I may say. It's just turning out to be the cutest little space, & as soon as it's finished-finished, I'll post befores & afters. I'm dying to post photos of my home so you can see how I live & get more of a sense of what I'm about, but I feel like our house has been in a constant state of re-do since we moved in last August. That's what happens when you finally get your own house, I guess. After years of renting, the weekend warrior that's been desperate to escape is finally unleashed! Watch out Home Depot, I'm coming!

how doth my garden grow?

2007-06-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

Very well, thank you!

I feel like I can finally stop to enjoy it now. I am aware that gardens take time & maintenance, but at least I'm not killing myself digging holes, removing grass, aerating soil, mixing in good soil, etc, etc.

I can't even tell you how much I love having my own house. The inside still doesn't quite feel like home, only because I keep changing my mind on paint colors, haven't hung any family photos, & still need to get most of my belongings truly organized. But right now, this time of year, when it stays light well beyond the time I've fallen asleep (happy Solstice, by the way!), and the days are suddenly warm enough to leave the house in the morning sans jacket, I crave being outside. I need it. I let my house get dirty (and pray we don't have unexpected visitors) and put off doing things I know I need to do, just so I can be outdoors.

Before, Honey & I would go to the beach as often as possible & now I am so content to just stay home. I was always a homebody, a nester, but now it's downright ridiculous. I love my yard & its emerging gardens. The front lawn may still need grass seed, but I am so happy to sit at my bistro table & listen to the rustling leaves of my honeysuckle tree. My honeysuckle tree. Do you have any idea how it tickles my insides to own a tree with pink blossoms?

The super cute birdcage on the bistro table I got from Joann's for about $7. Honey couldn't understand why I would buy a birdcage just for decoration. He is usually understanding about my purchases, but this one he just couldn't get on board with. Boys.

parenthood (no, I'm not pregnant)

2007-06-20T08:31:00.000-08:00

How do parents do it? See their children in pain, I mean. Porter is laying on my office floor, crying in pain, and I am crying along with him. It makes me ache to see him in such obvious pain & discomfort.

I called our vet yesterday to make sure Porter's progress was on track, and he suggested that we might need to be working him a little harder. Porter will apply light pressure on his leg & foot, but if he has his way about it, he'll just hobble about on 3 legs. The key to this surgery being successful is for Porter to use his leg right away so it will heal properly.

I took him for a slightly longer walk last night, and on the way back, he laid down in the middle of the road. I had to literally pick him up off the ground, and then apologized to him the rest of the way home. Later on, we did his physical therapy, excercising his leg's range of motion as you would if a human had hip surgery, and it was clearly bothering him more than the previous night. Adam worked his leg, while I tried to comfort him & keep him from wriggling around. When Porter's cries & yelps started to escalate, I made Adam stop. I just couldn't take it anymore.

We have a follow-up appointment this morning with Dr. Taylor, and I think that well help ease my mind that we are doing what we should in terms of his recovery. I of course fear that we're either working him too hard, or not hard enough. Adam & I did let Porter know that we paid good money for that hip, and he damn well better use it! We'll have none of this 3-leg hobbling nonsense.

the diagnosis

2007-06-18T22:54:00.000-08:00

Below is a post I started last week & never got around to finishing:

Doodles has a bad hip. I knew something was wrong before I even saw the vet. I was looking over the itemized bill in the waiting room, and saw there were several x-rays taken. Dr. Taylor had originally said he thought he would be able to tell if there were "growing pain" spots with one x-ray, so the fact that they took 3 had me worried.

When Dr. T told me Doodles has a bad hip, I asked him if he was serious. I don't know why I would ask such a thing, except that I never think big news (good or bad) is real until I repeatedly ask for confirmation. Once it sunk in, I started to cry. I didn't realize just how much I loved Doodles & how I would do anything in my power to make him feel better. $2000 for surgery? No problem. Set me up on a payment plan.

In simple terms, his hip bone didn't form properly, so instead of being nice & round like his left hip, his right hip bone is more flat & square & does not fit into the socket like it should. Dr. T spent probably 30 minutes with me, explaining his x-rays & our options.

Honey & I have decided to have the recommended surgery, which will cut off part of his hip bone and during the healing process, it will form a new joint. The alternative is a total hip replacement, but since Doodles is still young (9 months) and is relatively small (56 lbs), the vet felt the femoral surgery is the best option for him. The risk is that the sciatic nerve runs through the area, and there is a small chance of permanent nerve damage in his right leg. If that does happen, we'd have to amputate. But at least we'd still have Doodles.

I am so thankful that we chose Doodles from the litter because if he had stayed with a sled-dog musher as many of his litter mates did, I am sure he would be put down rather than have the surgery. As Dr. T said, he's never going to be an athlete now, and no dog musher would spend the money to have his hip replaced if he wasn't going to be able pull a sled. Have I ever mentioned that before? That Porter came from a litter of sled dogs? He comes from a very good bloodline, but because Alaskan Huskies are in a sense, mutts, they cannot be AKC registered. Not that that matters to Honey or I. When the opportunity to get a Husky presented itself, we thought he/she would be a perfect fit for our lifestyle. And he really has. We have a Husky that actually COMES BACK to us when we let him off-leash, which from what I understand, is a rare quality in a Husky. That means he loves us!

Last night, Doodles was whimpering, I thought, in pain. When I realized he was whimpering at his leash laying on the floor by the ottoman. I asked Honey (rhetorically) if he thought Doodles wanted a walk, and that was all Doodles needed to hear. At the sound of the word "walk", he had jumped off the ottoman, picked up his leash, and laid it in front of me. Porter does not understand that he needs to take it easy.

While we were walking him, it was impossible to not analyze his gait, and I feel so horrible for not knowing that his leg was messed up. All this time when I said ~ That's right, Porter! Wiggle that ass! You own the sidewalk! ~ really, he walked that way because his hip bothered him. The reason he stands knock-kneed, because his hip bothered him. The reason he ran front-leg-front-leg, back-leg-back-leg instead of front-leg-back-leg, front-leg-back-leg was because his hip bothered him. How shitty do we feel for not realizing this sooner?

* Okay, so this is about where I left off *

We tried not to dwell on the fact that Porter was having major surgery in less than a week. It was a gorgeous weekend. A day so hot that I was grateful for the breeze. I worked in the garden & took a nap in the sun; Porter joined me even though he was so hot, his tongue hung out of the side of his mouth. He also hung out with Riley-cat. He did his best to forget about Thursday.

Doodles had his surgery last Thursday, today being Monday. Dr. Taylor called me after he finished the surgery, and said that it went perfectly. He wouldn't know if there was any nerve damage until Porter got up & moved around a bit, but he felt confident that everything was just fine. To say I was relieved was a major understatement. I couldn't stop smiling. I called Honey, and told everyone at work.

Porter had to spend the night at the vet's office, so Honey & I went to dinner to celebrate Porter's successful surgery. Then came home & put together our new compost bin. Yes, we are just that exciting. Ever wonder what your married & childless friends do for fun? You can stop wondering. We put together compost bins. And talk about our dog.

The following morning Dr. Kramer, another vet at the clinic, called to say Porter was carrying his leg as they would have expected him to, and that he was even putting light pressure on his foot. Horray!! Again, to say I was relieved was just a huge understatement. I called Honey, and I could hear the relief in his voice.

It was a bit of a shock seeing my little Doodles with half his ass and his whole back-right leg shaved & the 4-inches of stitches. It makes me ache when he cries out in pain, but overall, he's doing really good. And getting stir-crazy. He kept us up for most of last night whining. Oh, the whining. He'd come into our bedroom, rest his head on the edge of the bed, and cry. Not in pain, just in boredom. When I told him to go lay down, he would sulk down the hallway with a big harumph! I couldn't help but giggle at him. It's so hard to take him seriously when he gets sassy, and believe you me, that dog can sass.

We took him for his first walk post-surgery tonight, and he pretty much just hopped along on three legs.

He's starting to get awfully sassy again ~ we just got into a sass-fight ~ so I think we're going to take him for another stroll around the block. Wear that little bugger out. Plus, we're supposed to make sure he's using his leg otherwise he'll just get used to being 3-legged. My little tripod.

He actually fell asleep in this position last night. How cute is that. Okay, I know that's probably way more than your fill of Porter pictures, but I just love him so. I used to take hundreds of photos of our cats, now I take hundreds of photos of my dog. Bet you can't wait 'til I have a baby.

goose bumps

2007-06-18T16:14:00.000-08:00

Jeru's right, have some tissue at the ready. This guy gave me goose bumps & brought tears to my eyes. His talent is absolutely phenomenal.