Monday, June 4, 2007

BIG news

I'm going to be an Aunt! My baby brother (Bucky) & his fiance (Michelle) are going to have a baby. HOLY CRAP!

He said ~ Michelle's going to have a child. I thought he was joking, like they were getting another dog or something. Then when he said he wasn't the father, I really thought they were just getting a dog. It was obvious that I wasn't getting it, so I think he finally said something like ~ for real. And I must have said for real-for real? about a hundred times, which is the same thing I said when Honey proposed to me.

Bucky couldn't stop smiling if he tried. Michelle seemed to me to be in shock still, but she said she just doesn't show emotion. I think I'm still in shock! Honey blurts out every couple minutes ~ isn't that crazy?! They're going to have a baby!
My mom must be on top of the world right now. I know she has been desperate for a grandchild since we've all (all 2 of us) left the nest. My dad on the other hand, keeps telling me that he's too young to be a grandparent. Whatcha gonna do now, dad?? :) And mom ~ you & Mike can't move now! HA!

I always knew Bucky would have a baby before me. Even though he's 8 years younger than me, he made most milestones at an earlier age than me. It was a running joke in my family that he would move out of the house before I did. Keep in mind he was 14ish when the joke started. He did move out at a younger age than me, he was a homeowner before me, and now he is HAVING A BABY before me. In the unspoken competition between my brother & I, I totally lose. *sigh*

Seriously, he's the most mature 23 year old I know & he has grown into the most loving, generous, funny, handsome, honest, hardworking, trustworthy brother & friend that I could ever ask for. He & Michelle will make amazing parents. Congratulations, you two! And as Honey says ~ We get Michelle forever!

While we're on the subject of babies, I will say that Honey & I talk a lot about them. Yesterday, for example, I asked him if he thought we might not ever have kids & he said he didn't know. Since I often feel the same way, it's not like I could be mad. I mean, I'll be 32 in August, and the older I get, the more I think I may never have a child. Some days I'm totally okay with that because truth be told, things are pretty good the way they are. The other days....I can't imagine not having a child. It would just be this empty hole in my life. A huge, gaping hole.

As I'm writing this, Honey said he wondered if Porter's leg is bothering him. He said he's noticed for the past couple weeks Porter's been walking funny. I take Porter to work with me & spend virtually every waking moment with him, and I didn't notice that his leg was bothering him. Some mother I'd make.

At any rate, poor Doodles had been wimpering since we got home from our walk at the Mendenhall Glacier, where he spent an hour & a half running his heart out with 2 other dogs. He seemed fine then, but I thought maybe he had gotten something stuck in his foot. I held Porter's head in my lap while Honey examined his back-right leg. We have never heard such noises out of Doodles' mouth. Honey barely moved his leg, and Porter yelped, growled, squealed, and then buried his head under my arm. My poor baby. I ached because he hurt & I couldn't help him. We gave him some pain meds we had left over from when he scratched his eye last month, but he still yelps everytime he gets up.

It's moments like those, moments when I cry because my dog hurts, that I think my need to have a child outweighs my enormous fear that I will suck as a mother. Of course, if I have a baby now, it will only look like I did it to keep up with Bucky. ;)


Nancy said...

Oh, Tracy, what nice things you said about your brother. It made me cry. But it was all true. He's worried about being a good parent but he's so loving and caring and family comes first with him. He can't help but be a doting dad! You better get Mr. P. checked out. Poor guy.... Love you. mom (P.S. You will be the best mother, too, because you have the same qualities. The thought of it is just scarey.)

Jerusalem said...

Isn't it great to grow up and love - even like - your siblings? I remember how much Bucky drove you crazy when we were kids, just like Josh did me. And now we just can't live without them. So funny this thing called life. You know I think you would be a great Momma and and Adam a great Pop. You also know I support you no matter what! Love ya friend!