Thursday, April 26, 2007

how do you know?

How do you know when it's time to leave your current job? I love being an accountant as much as I love to decorate & craft, so it's not that I'm looking for a career change. Not that I wouldn't love to make a living being creative someday. Ahhh, someday...

And I love my co-workers, even though some days I am convinced they go out of their way to make my life more difficult.

I work in the private sector, which means I work for a man who wants to make money for himself ~ duh! I know that's the whole point of being a business owner, and he's been doing it for like, 31 years, so he is clearly doing something right. He says he wants his key staff to make really good money, and I do, so that's not really the problem either. Not that I don't totally deserve to make more.

The main problem is communication. I am constantly left out the loop on significant changes that often affect my job, thereby making my job that much more difficult. And then I am asked if I completed a task related to said-change ~ WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT!

My boss's communication style is also a major problem. He sucks at it. Many of my co-workers are better at not letting it affect them, but I am not one of those people. When he raises his voice at me, talks down to me, starts waving his hands around, and explains to me the purpose of a profit & loss statement like I don't know (or the difference between a latte & a mocha, my personal favorite put-down), I can't deal.

I went to college. I am not an idiot. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes from time to time, but there's a chance that if he didn't change how he wants me to do things every 2 months, I'd probably be more efficient & better able to keep on top of my work. I've been tempted on more than one occasion to ask him ~ why do you even have me here? Do you even know what I do? I did ask him once. Big fight ensued. Doors slammed. It wasn't pretty. Why do I put up with this shit??

This morning I received an IM from a co-worker who yesterday witnessed how awful our boss can be for the first time. He said he was up all night fretting over how his mistake had caused me such duress as I was the one taking the brunt of his mistake. I assured him not to worry about it because this is what I deal with virtually every day. He was shocked to say the least, which made me spontaneously cry. To be validated for what I have to go through just to get a damn paycheck was just...I don't even know how to describe it exactly. Adam knows what I go through, as do my friends & family, but they don't see it & experience it first hand. My co-workers of course know what it's like, and we all vent to one another. But there was something different about this person seeing that side of our boss that confirmed just how shitty my work situation can be. That when our boss says with his voice raised & hands gesturing wildly ~ I don't know why you're getting so upset about this! ~ I'm not crazy for being upset & that I have every right to. That I don't deserve to be treated with such disrepect.

The upside to my job? I like what I do, I like the people I work with, I get to bring Porter to work with me, there's the comfort zone of knowing how to do my job (and believe me, there's A LOT to keep track of), and the freedom of being able to rearrange my work day easily if I have an appt, etc. Plus, for someone like me who is chronically 10 minutes late for everything, not having to be at work by a specific time alleviates some of my morning stress.

Our benefits are okay. We have a 401(k) plan, my medical premiums are 100% paid for, but our plan sucks ass. I pay my & Adam's dental premiums, which is really affordable & the coverage is comparable to other insurance plans I've had. I don't have medical for Adam because we'd have to pay the premiums & can't afford the $350/month. I get 2 weeks of leave per year, but according to our employee handbook, the most I can accumulate is 60 hours. So I couldn't even take 2 whole weeks off! And so much for paid maternity leave if I ever get knocked up. (Although, I do have the max vacation hours in Quickbooks set to 80 because I'm defiant that way. Oh, yes, I am a rebel.) And I get paid holidays. All 4 of them ~ Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's & July 4th. There are some days I miss working for a financial institution where we had a holiday every month except for one; I think August. Three-day weekends are the best. God, I need some time off work. And a really great haircut. And some highlights. And a tan. I did get a gorgeous new Dooney & Burke "authentic-counterfeit" bag courtesy of my Aunt Georgia while visiting my cousin Tony & his wife Lisa in NYC, who apparently had to go down a long scary hallway to procure for me ~ thanks Aunt Georgia!

Okay, so that's where I'm at with work. I'm so tired of waking up with anxiety over the thought of going to work, but I know that no job is perfect & I might end up in a entirely worse situation. So how do you know??


Jerusalem said...

Man on man. How do you know? That is a big question. I guess it is also how do you let your boss be a nut case some days without letting it get to you? How do you be a duck? Water off your back and all that... So wish I could hire you to take care of my books. I barely can use my software. Numbers and charts and stuff make my head swim. You are lucky to be so multi-talented : )

jeanetta said...

ummmm... i think you just listed all of the warning signs in your blog entry there. umm yeah i'd say those were a few clues.

Nancy said...

How do you know? You just know.... when you dread going to work most days, when you dread seeing your boss, when you dread what's going to happen next, when you cry for the way you're treated.... Those are all signs that "you know...." And no job is going to be perfect, but some jobs are more perfect for you. You deserve to be treated with respect every single day you go to work. Period. No exceptions. You deserve an apology for those rare times an employer might explode at you. Period. No exceptions. If you find another job and it turns out to be not the most perfect job for you... you just find another one! You are so talented and any company should be honored to have you on their payroll. You just need to find another more perfect job before you no longer respect or believe in yourself. That would be a travisty. I love you. mom