Friday, July 6, 2007

how the conversation went

A few weeks ago, Honey & I had a few baby-making discussions.

The first one went something like this:

"How would you feel if I went off the pill?"
No answer

No answer

No answer

"You do know you have to answer me sometime, right?"
Nervous laughter from Honey.

"You need to talk to your doctor about going off your meds first."

"And then can I go off the pill?"

"It's not like you're going to accept an answer like 'yeah, sure, I suppose so', but I don't know what to say!"

"I'll accept 'yeah, sure, I suppose so'!!"


More nervous laughter from Honey, because now he knows he's screwed & there's no going back.

I did call my doctor about a week later, and when she returned my call I was shopping in Joann's. Not exactly the place I prefer to have such a private conversation, but I realize my doctor is a very busy lady & I wasn't about to not take her call. So as I sat in the discounted fabric section, I had probably the most important conversation with my doctor that I've had to date.

Honey wasn' t feeling well that night, nor the next morning, so I waited until he was in a better mood before I dropped the life-altering bombshell on him. That evening, on the way home from work, I announced that I had spoken with my doctor.

If this is too personal, I apologize. You can stop reading now. I often have a hard time writing what I want to write without sensoring it for appropriateness or worrying what others will think. So, in the spirit of honesty & being me, I will share that I have suffered from anxiety & at times from depression, for probably more years than not. Since most days I felt ill-equipped to handle my own life & unable to accomplish half of what's rolling around in my head, I had made the decision a few years back to go on meds. I will save the details of all this for another day, but for now I will just say that I know I needed to ween myself from the anxiety medication before getting pregnant. More importantly, I needed to learn how to get through my days without the aid of medication because I know that if I am lucky enough to get pregnant, it would be at least a year without them.
In an ideal world, my body would be pure & free from anything that could harm our baby. I don't really drink, I have successfully quit smoking, & have cut the dosage in half for my anxiety medication. Since it could very well take months to get pregnant, I decided not to quit taking them altogether until I saw that little pink plus sign, or the extra stripe, or whatever the case may be.
So there you have it. This well-rested couple, who on the day this photo was taken by a kind stranger watching them take self-portraits in Seaside, Oregon on the day they closed on their first home, is trying to have a baby.



Rosemary said...

Well Tracy,
First of all thanks for visiting my blog. I love that book!
As for your blog today, you go for it and don't worry. I think it will turn out fine. You look like the nicest couple. My daughter is getting married in October. She is 26 and can't wait to have a baby.
I'm sure you will get all of the support that you need!
Nice meeting you.
Good Luck,

Jerusalem said...

You go girl! I have lots of friends who have gone off and on meds to have babies and so far everyone has survived... Just hang in there & remember that it is all temporary! Maybe the pregnant hormomes will even things out for a while... You never know. PS- We like meds at our house too and completely understand the need for them! Hurrah for honesty!

Nancy said...

I better get going. Have garage sales to attend to. Need a play pen, a high chair, almost-new baby toys! Tracy, I know that this was a difficult decision for you, for many reasons, but you will never regret having children. Things just have a way of working out. You'll make great parents! I could be having TWO grandbabies soon! I love you! mom

Jen @ The Cottage Nest said...

Congratulations to you. I think most men aren't really gung-ho about having a baby probably because they wonder how it will affect them but his excitement will come later. Good luck adjusting to life with out your usual dose of medication. I hope that it will not be too much of a struggle for you.