Thursday, July 26, 2007


First, I suppose I should have said that the gal in the middle of the photobooth photo was Jerusalem. Since she looks just the same to me, I figured everyone else would recoginize her, too!

Second, Jen is totally right in her comment about feeling bad over all the wasted money when doing these purges. I used to take a load of giveaways now & then to Salvation Army, but never before had I amassed such a large amount of stuff to get rid of. Easily hundreds of dollars. Maybe thousands when when you consider the clothes that I still need to take to consignment.

And Jen's also right that it does change one's perspective on purchases. Over the past couple years, I've become more mindful of the things I buy and try to ask myself ~ do I really need that, or do I just really want it? Not just because of the money factor, but because I knew I already had so much that I didn't need & was just taking up space in my house & in my life. I love Peter on TLC's Clean Sweep, who says you have to get rid of the old to make room for the new. So true.

Owning a house & the responsibilities that come with it changes one's perspective, as well. Now, I really try to only buy that which I feel I need because we've already had the Sunday afternoon trip to Sears because our hot water heater broke, and I now know how easy it is to have to drop $300 just like that. Now when I shop, it's for stuff like a compost bin, a wheelbarrow, a weed eater, and fun things like that. (We won't mention the other e-bay purchases on their way....Honey is going to kill me.)

Thirdly, I have to say that Thursdays are my favorite day. I just love looking forward to Fridays almost as much as Friday's themselves. And I love the idea of Sundays. Oh, that perfect, elusive Sunday. I imagine myself cuddled in my living room ~ of course, it is fall & there is a fire going, except I don't have a fireplace nor a woodstove ~ reading magazines, watching movies, relaxing with Honey, Doodles curled at my feet. On this Sunday, I am not worried about chores, or work, or money, or that I'm not a good enough wife, sister, or friend. I am happy, content, & balanced. I am not thinking that I am not taking advantage of this life, not worrying about whether or not we can afford a baby. There is no pressure to get anything done because it is Sunday & I can do whatever I want.

I know that perfect Sunday only exists in my mind, and that the reality of my perfect Sunday is some version of it. If I knew how to relax without feeling guilty, I would. I would not shower & watch HGTV or bad Lifetime movies all day. I used to have that ability. Now, there's not enough time in the day for me to feel like I've accomplished enough to go to bed guilt-free. It freaks me out to think how I will ever manage everything AND a baby if I can't even keep up now. I honestly don't know how all you crafty mothers do it.

This particular Thursday, I could do without. I have, I can only hope, PMS. PMS with drastically reduced meds & no birth control pills so my hormones & my brain are completely out of whack. Last month was my first period sans birth control, and it sucked. For over 10 years, I was on the pill & knew exactly what to expect with my body. Now, I have no idea what's going on, and as my co-worker Mary pointed out, "you hate that". She knows me so well. To say that I like to know what's going on & at what time it will be happening is a huge understatement. You're probably laughing to yourselves right now, thinking I'm in for a rude awakening when I have a baby, right?! Oh, don't think I don't know things will change! I just can't think too much about the extent to which things will change or else I will never have a baby. And if I think about it THIS week, when I'm feeling totally unappreciated & Honey is driving me crazy (couldn't have anything to do with PMS), I will surely never have a baby!


Nancy said...

Sweetie pie.... relax.... take some deep breaths.... Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. And on feeling guilty about not taking advantage of every single moment of your day, when all you want to do is relax.... it's yet another disease you've inherited.... But this time from your dad! I'm sorry :) It IS okay to sit and relax and enjoy your favorite tv show. You DO need to take time out for yourself, without feeling guilty. You WILL learn to juggle work, a baby, home and life WILL be good. I promise you. mom

Rosemary said...

Thanks for the nice comments on my blog today.
Thanks for reminding me to clean some things out and donate them.
I thinks it's good to do that now and then.
Have a good day!

Jerusalem said...

Oh yes I understand too well (and just for the record, I do not look like that now, oh how I wish that I did! lol...) but anyway, back to being unable to relax. I completely agree. I used to be really, really good at it. So good some people hinted that I might be a lazy bones. But now? Now I have to call Nathan to get "permission" to sit down and watch a movie on a random Wednesday afternoon. I don't actually NEED his permission, it's just that I can't convince myself that it is OK to stop and breathe, so I need him to tell me I can. Crazy huh?