Thursday

First, I suppose I should have said that the gal in the middle of the photobooth photo was Jerusalem. Since she looks just the same to me, I figured everyone else would recoginize her, too!

Second, Jen is totally right in her comment about feeling bad over all the wasted money when doing these purges. I used to take a load of giveaways now & then to Salvation Army, but never before had I amassed such a large amount of stuff to get rid of. Easily hundreds of dollars. Maybe thousands when when you consider the clothes that I still need to take to consignment.

And Jen's also right that it does change one's perspective on purchases. Over the past couple years, I've become more mindful of the things I buy and try to ask myself ~ do I really need that, or do I just really want it? Not just because of the money factor, but because I knew I already had so much that I didn't need & was just taking up space in my house & in my life. I love Peter on TLC's Clean Sweep, who says you have to get rid of the old to make room for the new. So true.

Owning a house & the responsibilities that come with it changes one's perspective, as well. Now, I really try to only buy that which I feel I need because we've already had the Sunday afternoon trip to Sears because our hot water heater broke, and I now know how easy it is to have to drop $300 just like that. Now when I shop, it's for stuff like a compost bin, a wheelbarrow, a weed eater, and fun things like that. (We won't mention the other e-bay purchases on their way....Honey is going to kill me.)

Thirdly, I have to say that Thursdays are my favorite day. I just love looking forward to Fridays almost as much as Friday's themselves. And I love the idea of Sundays. Oh, that perfect, elusive Sunday. I imagine myself cuddled in my living room ~ of course, it is fall & there is a fire going, except I don't have a fireplace nor a woodstove ~ reading magazines, watching movies, relaxing with Honey, Doodles curled at my feet. On this Sunday, I am not worried about chores, or work, or money, or that I'm not a good enough wife, sister, or friend. I am happy, content, & balanced. I am not thinking that I am not taking advantage of this life, not worrying about whether or not we can afford a baby. There is no pressure to get anything done because it is Sunday & I can do whatever I want.

I know that perfect Sunday only exists in my mind, and that the reality of my perfect Sunday is some version of it. If I knew how to relax without feeling guilty, I would. I would not shower & watch HGTV or bad Lifetime movies all day. I used to have that ability. Now, there's not enough time in the day for me to feel like I've accomplished enough to go to bed guilt-free. It freaks me out to think how I will ever manage everything AND a baby if I can't even keep up now. I honestly don't know how all you crafty mothers do it.

This particular Thursday, I could do without. I have, I can only hope, PMS. PMS with drastically reduced meds & no birth control pills so my hormones & my brain are completely out of whack. Last month was my first period sans birth control, and it sucked. For over 10 years, I was on the pill & knew exactly what to expect with my body. Now, I have no idea what's going on, and as my co-worker Mary pointed out, "you hate that". She knows me so well. To say that I like to know what's going on & at what time it will be happening is a huge understatement. You're probably laughing to yourselves right now, thinking I'm in for a rude awakening when I have a baby, right?! Oh, don't think I don't know things will change! I just can't think too much about the extent to which things will change or else I will never have a baby. And if I think about it THIS week, when I'm feeling totally unappreciated & Honey is driving me crazy (couldn't have anything to do with PMS), I will surely never have a baby!